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2. I could never face my wife without feeling intense shame. 3. I could never face my friends on this site without feeling intense shame. 4. I am unsure if I would ever be able to gain back the trust and respect that I would lose, with any of them. I have spent many hours and days, trying to help others quit and stay quit. I may have swayed a person or two. Sometimes it is hard to tell. The remote possibility of my having done that, however, weighs heavily on my conscience. I know that I have chastised people for failing - mostly because they did nothing to try to avoid the failure. If they had a plan, they did not follow it. Before I became the "kinder and gentler" Remshot, I spared no quarter for those people. No disdain was involved. It was more like tough love. I don't really like to pull punches much, but my parents raised me to be polite! I've rah rahed people along in their quits. I've challenged people. I've pissed them off intentionally to make them focus on me instead of their pain, suffering and anger. I've managed to piss off entire quit groups because of my actions, but the bottom line, my goal, was attained. They bonded, they focused against a common enemy (me) instead of what they were really angry and hurting over. If I were to cave, and believe me, I have entertained the false notion of being able to dip just once more, I would become too much of a hypocrite to bear. (So basically, everyone on here helps to keep me quit). But back to the original point - I could never stand the look of disappointment and loss of respect, that I would see in my kids faces. Sorry to ramble, but what you wrote triggered a strong feeling in me. Stay strong, stay quit. Embrace the suck ( I actually heard that line on a TV show last night! I FREAKED OUT), and remember - WE CAN NEVER DO JUST ONE! |
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