|
|
Sometimes I wonder “how” I've done this...endured the hardship when it would have been easier to give in… Sometimes it's the "why" that bugs me...why I’ve continued on this path and drag others along for the ride… Sometimes I wonder why I stick around and if it really matters... Sometimes I wish I could get away, just leave this place and know that I wouldn't be looked for... Sometimes I wish I hadn't established any accountability at this place...nor the friends I’ve made along the way… Sometimes I wish I could crawl in a hole and wrap my hands around my addiction... Sometimes, most of the time, I feel like I'd let Cliff down if I gave up…believe it or not, that bothers me more than the shame of letting my own kids down…. Sometimes it just seems as though it would be easier to surrender to the beast… Sometimes, to be quite honest, it just doesn’t seem worth it… But then again, all of the things I question…are exactly the things that keep me honest. It’s impossible to explain. Through the journey of 100 days, you either get it or you don’t. The subsequent days and what you do with them, the relationships you build and how you nurture them, the commitment you make to yourself and others…those are the things that truly matter. Sometimes…when those thoughts come about…the bottom line is always you bitches. I can, and have, lied to my family and friends to feed my addiction. But for some reason, I just can’t do it to a bunch of strangers. What’s the point? Thanks. “Thanks” is the point. Thanks for providing the only thing that has been able to sustain clean. Thanks for the laughs, thanks for listening. Just…thanks. |
||||
|
|
||||
