It all started in mid to late July 2014 with nasty, chalky ass TUMS and a bout of heartburn that lasted for two days. That’s when I finally decided to quit the Grizzly Wintergreen Long Cut that I first picked up while running a direct store delivery route in 1999. I didn’t actually start dipping moist snuff first instead the order of addiction went like this: cigarettes (1 year), Red Man/Beech Nut (6 months), Timberwolf/Skoal/Grizzly (~14 years). I guess I picked up tobacco at first to kill some of the boredom of driving all over Texas in a Ford Econoline van.
Fast forward to 2014 and let’s talk about the impetus of my quit. As I said earlier I was having some heartburn so I immediately blamed the worm dirt in my lip. I remembered all of my failed stoppages before and why they were not quits. I discovered that while I started off with full power I quickly lost momentum, ground to a halt, and allowed the Nic Bitch to catch up with me to massage my ego by telling me failure was ok. I then knew that running away from my problem would never work and I would have to face it head on in order to completely dominate my quit. I began to wean myself off of the Nic in late July 2014 by mixing 50% Smokey Mountain with 50% Grizzly then decreasing the percentage of Grizzly every three days until I felt strong enough to go on SMS 100%. By that time it was August 4th, 2014.
I went strictly on SMS for about two weeks then transitioned to copious amounts of bubblegum, Jolly Ranchers, Atomic Fireballs, and even cough drops. I knew that quitting was going to require the same one day at a time approach that it took for me to quit drinking alcohol in all forms some 16 months earlier. I made it ok for the first month or so then I noticed that I needed something to re-energize my quit, so one day at work I was just surfing the internet when, through the fog, I remembered Kill the Can. I recalled that I had joined KTC in October 2013 (during a previous failed attempt) but I could not recall my login information. I emailed the administrators and they were able to resurrect my username and password. I posted another introduction at day 30 and was immediately welcomed with multiple replies all asking me to post roll. I did not have a clue what roll call was but I found out some 10 days later when I read in the welcome center how to post roll then I did it…and didn’t mess anything up. So there I was posting roll for the first time at day 40 or 41 in a quit group full of 100% posters. Talk about sticking out like a sore thumb. I posted roll one day then didn’t the next and, let me tell you, the result wasn’t bad but it wasn’t good either. My posting record was described as “abysmal” by one group member so I set out to correct that by making double sure to post every damn day.
From that point on, I posted roll and didn’t miss a single day and roll call took the first position in the morning even beating out the first piss. I post roll every morning at about the same time (0430) because that was when I would usually put in my first dip. By doing so, I add another link to the chain that holds the November 2014 Quit Group together. As with any chain, it is only as strong as its weakest link therefore we must all work together to maintain unity and strength. I’m going to continue to post roll no matter what every damn day. I know I’m not a 100% day one poster but November 2014 can count on me to be there well after my 11/11/14 and if I don’t post roll, someone better call the coroner.
I would like to close my ramble with a question directed at all the newbies:
Who would want to soothe perceived present-day pain with something that is guaranteed to cause real future pain or even death??
Answer: Addicts…and no matter how anyone may sugar-coat it…we are all addicts and we will forever be so get used to it.
*** I would really like to thank a few folks on here that really made all the difference in the world to me throughout my approach to the HOF: Smeds, Pinched (>P<), degranger, Tuco’s Grill, SamCat, Sage, and a host of other folks that just wished me well or provided any type of encouragement.***
Ryan Pietsch – aka BazookaJoe
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member BazookaJoe