2nd Time Around

KTC Logo PurpleI am at day 130 and just now sitting down to write my speech.  I tried to find my old speech from Dec of 2015 but I guess in the transition it was lost.  I didn’t know what I really wanted here because I had done this once and since I caved it seemed like this would be all for show and little substance that anyone could put stock in. I began to reread my first posts back here and found what I feel can be of use to someone else.

My promise is my word and as long as I make it every day, my word is solid as steel.

“I stopped for the first time because I didn’t want my unborn son to ever see his dad with a dip in his mouth.  My boy turns 3 in Feb and my little girl turns 1 a week before. I have fucked that up.  They have seen me with a dip and seen me spit. This quit isn’t to keep it hidden from them any more.  This quit is because I hate the guilt I am riddled with every time I would open that can.  This quit is because I need to be done with it for me, not them or my wife.  That is the difference.

I will be posting roll every damn day. When I posted the first 100 days here many of you would have to text me or PM me because I was late in doing so. That will not be the case this time.  I will not fuck this up for me or my quit group a second time.”

When I posted that to the Dec 15 Disciples of quit I knew I was making a big commitment.  I was committing to do better.  Doing better is the biggest commitment you can make. It means you are putting forth the effort to be a person others can rely on. It means putting forth the effort to see your faults and correct them.  It means putting forth the effort to humble yourself to the point of submission and asking forgiveness and acceptance back into a brotherhood that loved me unconditionally because I was quit with them everyday.  I knew that I had to show that same kind of dedication to my fellow new quit mates.  It meant I had to make sure I WUPPed EVERY DAMN DAY.  It meant that I had to put forth the effort to get the group on it’s feet and to track down those who were going to be flakes just like I was my first quit.

Brotherhood + Accountability = Success

It’s a simple formula. One that’s been proven to work time and time again.

By your own admission, you lacked Brotherhood:
“Even though I did still occasionally text with some of my quit mates it wasn’t the daily confirmation and commitment that I should have been doing to keep my quit strong”

You also gave up your accountability:
“I was saying that my first quit was in Sept 15 and I reached HoF status in Dec 15 and continued posting till I had made one lap then told my quit mates I was going to stop posting roll.”

To me that’s just simple math:
0 + 0 = 0

Srains posted  this on my introduction and it really is something that I took to heart early and have repeated countless times to others and ingrained in my daily mantra.  The Success Equation is something that struck a chord as something I could understand as I was a Math Ed major in college so the idea of applying an equation to my life just fits.  I have expanded my brotherhood from 1-2 texts back in 2015 to over 25 texts every single day.  The brotherhood has my back and I have theirs.  I have called Chris2Alaska at 2am when I was driving down the road and got a bad crave. I have texted people just to let them know of a little win. On the other side of the equation there is accountability and that is where I feel the biggest shift happened.  I went from being the guy Stranger999 had to chase down once a week or more to the guy who did the chasing down because I made sure that I had most of the guys numbers and they had mine.  If I was going to be accountable to them, they in turn made the promise to be accountable to me and the rest of the group.

Success is a relative term and I would never classify 100 days as success.  A success, yes but all encompassing success? Never. I have seen where complacency gets you.  I have seen what happens when you don’t let the system work. I have seen where “Success” turns to failure with one stupid choice. There was no success when I went to the store.  There was no success when I handed over the cash.  There was no success when I thwacked the can against my fingers, popped it open and pulled out a mound of shit. Finally there was no success in putting that shit into my lip for the first time in two years because I didn’t have the brotherhood anymore. I had given it up.  I didn’t have the accountability anymore, I had given it up. I had a lip of shit and a truck load a shame in one instant.

I have passed HoF but I have not succeeded, I have marked another day down as nicotine free, just like I did November 22, 2018 and just like I did today and just like I will tomorrow.  And my quitmates will see my promise here first thing and know that I am with them. I am quit, I have promised, my word will stand so long as I have the brotherhood to stand with.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Onebadbinder

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