WOW… to an addict that is something to be proud of!!!! To an addict, 100 days free is an accomplishment? I didn’t see me self as an addict. Never even thought of it that way. You see from where I sit now, as opposed to where I came from, I don’t feel Proud. That’s right I am not really proud. I feel… well…. Stupid. Dumb. What the hell was I thinking? How could I have ever put all those toxins in my body? How could I rot my face off, one day, one dip at a time? I pride myself on being smart, on being someone who makes good decisions. And there I was setting horrible examples for my 3 children. Letting a can of dip control me, control MY Life. Influencing my children, showing them the way. The wrong way, the stupid way! I don’t feel proud I feel ashamed, guilty for what I have done….
For me it was all about perception… the way I thought about things, how I seen things, the way I approached everyday life. For me it was an acquaintance, not someone who was really close, but someone I knew fairly well and he was an ex-dipper. He nudged me to explore KTC. Would mention it every time I seen him, and tell me about his experience a little at a time. I was a creeper on the site for about 30 days before setting my quit date. You see for me it was KTC, it changed my perception, how I viewed things. Creating the focus on making a great decision for today… to be nic free. This is the power of the NO Nic brother hood. Once someone arrives there are so many brothers (thank you) who will have your back, drag your ass through the fog and be with you daily. You can change someone else’s daily approach if you can get them to explore the site, you alone don’t have to convince them to quit. Just get them to the site because once someone is here, they will find a bunch of BADASS Quitters who have let go of STUPID.
But you know I can’t change yesterday…. or the day before that! I can however change today, by changing today my yesterday will have been better. I can be proud now. For now I am a person who is making a great decision, daily. Quitting One Day at a Time. So go make yourself a good friend, go make a great one.
DeerDucker – Day 100
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member deerducker