Remember the pain and the struggle…..for a better life. That is what is inscribed on the back of my HOF coin.
Tobacco had stolen so many years from me that the struggle over the last 100 or so days seems inconsequential. However, I think it is important to memorialize the issues I faced as I moved through my quit to help those that follow understand that there is light at the end of the tunnel. And that light is freedom!
It became very clear early in my quit that anxiety was going to be my biggest hurdle. Constant thoughts of finality and mortality. Some days were great, some days were almost unbearable. My nerves are wide open and no longer masked by tobacco. Each sensation in my body generated some sort of concern. My back, neck, jaw, stomach, mouth and so on. Doctors and dentists became my lifeline….”Please tell me that I am okay”. They did. Despite this internal struggle I made my daily promise, posted roll and made sure that my brothers in Shocktober did the same. Posting roll everyday is the key and I promise to do that for as long as I live. For I am an addict and I must stay focused on my quit. Every morning I wake up and the first thought I have is the number of days that I will post. With that thought an enormous sense of pride washes over me.
I am learning to cope with anxiety without tobacco and each day I am better for it. KTC was and is vital for my quit. I am fairly confident that I have read every single thing that was ever posted on the KTC forum and website. Some things 10-20 times. Although everybody’s quit is different there are many similarities shared by all and reading about fellow quitter’s experiences helped me with mine. I now want to pay that forward in any way I can.
Nicotine is a powerfully wicked drug, equal in its addiction to heroin. I have beat it again today and will awake and beat it again tomorrow. I know that I am not able to do it alone and want to thank all of my sisters and brothers at KTC for your support. You all inspire me daily.
For a better life……