Wow, I can hardly believe it has been 108 +1 days since I last had a dip in my mouth! It has been the hardest yet most fulfilling 108 days of my life. I know the journey is far from over, it will continue for as long as I walk the earth. I wish I could say that I no longer think about tobacco, that I no longer have to remind myself that I quit, that after a good meal I don’t look around for my can. I still do all these things, but only occasionally and for a few seconds before my mind turns back to reality. I can now shake my head, give a little snicker of satisfaction and think to myself that I no longer fall victim to the little round can.
I no longer have to hide the fact that I am a dipper. Being female, I was always ashamed of my habit and was worried about what people would think of me. I have dipped for 30 years and only my family and very close friends knew. I was so good at hiding it. I dipped continuously from the moment I woke up until I went to bed, only emptying my lip to eat and sleep. I dipped at work, at church, at weddings and at funerals. For the past 10 years or so, I didn’t even need a spit bottle. I was totally consumed by my habit and I never thought I could quit, I never even tried to quit. The thought of being without my can would literally set me into a panic. The nic bitch had her claws in me and was whispering all sorts of lies into my ears. Sad part is I believed those lies!
Through this journey I have learned that I am an addict. I can never use tobacco again. I have learned that using is a choice. No one or nothing can make me dip. It is I that chooses to never put the crap in my mouth again. Caving in not an option. I NEVER want to go through those first 5 days again! Even worse, I never want to let down all the people on this site that have supported me on this journey. I can’t even imagine how it would be to admit defeat to them, to my husband and to myself. I will continue to give my word that I will remain Nicotine free and hope you continue to hold me accountable, just as I will you!
Thanks DennyX & TCope, you have sent me words of encourage meant and support since day one. Denny, I told you I was one stubborn broad that would not let the nic bitch beat me, I still mean that!! I appreciate you guys!
JRan and DocLange, wow, who can I express my thanks to you guys. Without you two, I’m not sure I would of made it. Knowing that you guys were counting on me as much as I was counting on you kept me strong so many times. Being able to text you guys and knowing I am not/wasn’t alone is such a comfort. I’m going to continue to keep track of you two! As I tell my husband, you guys are my quitting buddies!
Shaundy, I’m keeping my eye on you girl!! We have to stick together!!
To all my other October 2011 Peeps, Thanks guys and I got your backs!!
Now lets continue strong and pay it forward!!