DriftingDeath’s HOF Message

KTC Logo Black WhiteAs I hit 100 days I look back with amazement that I could accomplish this milestone.  I am not special by any means, but this quit continues to change my life.  I am in the military and have had many opportunities to quit in the past via boot camp and other courses that would not allow for tobacco use, but like a dumbass the first thing I did upon completion of these courses was go hook up with the nic bitch and go right back to our f-ed up relationship.

I used nicotine for more than 3 decades.  My wife and I both smoked at the beginning of our marriage.  When we found out she was pregnant we both agreed to quit smoking.  She (the smart one) quit cold turkey and never looked back.  I (the dumbass) started dipping to help stop smoking and started a relationship with Copenhagen that lasted 2 ½ decades.  Like everyone else, if I had a time machine and could go back in time to when I was getting ready to take my first pinch I would have punched the younger me in the mouth and told him not to start that shit.

I am a fairly straight forward individual and the only vice I had was nicotine.  I didn’t screw around on my wife and I only drink once in a blue moon.  The thing you have to realize is that Copenhagen costs way more than what you pay at the counter.  I was a bad example for my daughter growing up (what is that price?).  She is in her mid-20’s and up until 100 days ago has never seen me without tobacco throughout her entire life.  It impacted the romantic side of my marriage (Heavy price).  It also impacted our social life as I couldn’t stay at any event for an extended period of time because of my need to get my next fix (also Heavy price).  We have been to Disney World a bunch of times.  I managed to ruin it on every trip in some form or fashion due to the fact that I needed a dip.  I was like Dr Jeckyl and Mr Hyde when it came to craving a dip.

Now that I have decided to stay quit I am having to relearn what normal is.  Doing everything for the first time without a dip in my lip is quite an adventure.  The other day I had to go for my first long car trip post quit…weird.

To those reading this that are new to your quit and going through the suck I say congrats and keep going.  This was not easy by any stretch of the imagination and was probably the hardest thing I have ever done.  The bad news is that you are going to feel like shit for a while.  Before you ask, the answer is no I can’t tell you when the (fill in your withdrawal symptom) will be over.  It is different for everyone.  You will have headaches, weird numbness throughout your body, anxiety and depression, the fog (fuck me that sucked!), dizziness, confusion, anal seepage (ok I made that one up), cravings…the list goes on and on.  When weird shit would happen to me I always had to go on the KTC site to validate that I was not the only one that it ever happened to.  I would also reach out to my brothers for support and let them know when I was getting my ass kicked.  If you would have told me in the beginning of my quit what I would have experienced for these past 100 days while going through this I would have thought you were pulling my leg.  The good news… it gets better.  Once you stop feeling sorry for yourself and decide to not be a victim you will start seeing the other side.  You will actually get to live as an ex-tobacco user.  It will be a little spooky, but it is very cool.  Once you realize that most of your withdrawal symptoms are mental and that your body is healing or your brain is throwing a temper tantrum life will get better.  You just have to bulldoze your way through to where you want to go.  There is nothing cooler than your wife coming up to you and making out with you because she doesn’t have to worry about if you have a dip in or not.

Another of the cool things that happened during this first 100 days was that one of the guys I worked with saw me going through my quit and decided that he would quit too.  I think I was on around day 30-40 when he came up and said that he was quitting too.  I told him what a retard he was for waiting until I was 30-40 days in as we could have gone through this BS together (just kidding).  What I really said was that I was proud of his decision and referred him to KTC.  I don’t know if he joined or not, but he is a good dude and I want him to succeed.

To the people that helped me and are still helping me with my quit- First and foremost I would like to thank my wife for not putting up with my shit and giving me words of encouragement like “if you would have quit when I did 27 years ago we wouldn’t be going through this now you dumbass” and “quit being a pussy it is only withdrawal…try having a baby sometime.”  Love you to pieces pumpkin.

Next I want to thank some of my KTC brothers.  Scott B. and I had the same quit date and I have probably texted you more in the last 100 days than I have my own family.  We have listened to each other bitch about stuff regularly and I am very glad I had you to go through this with me.  You made it suck less.  Chewie, Josh, Sean, the other Scott, Robby, Aaron, Coop, and the rest of you guys thank you so much for the support.  Your words of encouragement also made this suck less.

In closing, I know that 100 days isn’t the end all be all of the quit.  This will be an ongoing thing for the rest of my life.  I am a nicotine addict and I accept that.  What I don’t accept is nicotine running my life.  I took my life back 100 days ago and choose to keep control of it from here on out.  One day at a time seemed like a stupid motto when I first started doing this, but it makes sense now.  I know some people will probably split from the KTC after reaching 100, but I plan on still posting and helping with the new guys and gals.  I think this in turn will help me stay quit.  I am not going to lie and say that I don’t miss dipping.  I realize now that there is another way to live and I like it more.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Driftingdeath

Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply