Freedom Feels So Good

KTC Logo - OrangeThe moment I started chewing Copenhagen is forever etched in my brain. I was 18 and going to a party with my friend. We stood in the driveway and she asked me if I wanted a chew. We lived in Colorado and were ski racers and this was something “normal” to do….even though we were girls. 

Fast forward 38 years later and I was still dipping. Through all the ever changing aspects of my life, the one thing that remained a constant was chewing. And hiding the chewing from everyone. I honestly loved it. And I never wanted to give it up. I loved my time alone with my chew. I loved taking a shower and having a private moment with my chew. I loved being able to work at home and chew all day long. I convinced myself that I would never be able to quit but that was okay because nothing would ever happen to me. I would somehow be spared. 

But I hated all the deception. I felt like an unbelievable hypocrite. I am a health fanatic and yet I just couldn’t quit something that was so incredibly toxic and dangerous. It didn’t make sense. That is the power of this horrible addiction. I often wish I could go back to that day in the driveway when I was 18 and have a do over where I never touched this crap. But I did and I have had to pay the price for nearly four decades. 

When my daughter first discovered it a few years ago I was so horrified and ashamed and made up some story vowing to quit. Of course I didn’t stay quit. I never could. Even though it made my daughter grossed out, confused and scared. 

One day my daughter discovered my stash. She eventually stopped yelling at me about it and very calmly said, “I don’t know why you do that but its your body so I guess you can do what you want even though I don’t understand it.” 

I was so ashamed that I would risk getting cancer or having my daughter be disappointed in me in favor of my beloved Copenhagen. I chose Copenhagen over everything. Until April 18, 2018. Somehow I stumbled on the KTC site and something just clicked. Like others, I had tried to quit in the past but nothing ever stuck because I had no support system. Posting roll and having veterans like Athan check in with my on a daily basis made all the difference in the world. I am so proud of my victory. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me to make it to this day. I honestly never thought I would be able to give up nicotine. For all those struggling, keep reading the stories on the site and reach out to others who have walked your path. Being in this together and posting roll is what makes the difference! 

Looking forward to Day 101 and everyday living without the noose of nicotine suffocating me. Freedom feels so good! Peace. 

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member jperkins109

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