Lou Gehrig Has Nothing On Me – Brian’s Gut Check

bnlelliott avatarLou Gerhig has nothing on me…because I am truly the luckiest man on the face of the earth. Not because I am quit, that was hard work. But because I have friends and family that are still here and have stayed with me, even though I have treated them like crap…calling it just being one of the boys.

33 years ago, my addiction started. It started on the farm, it carried over to Baseball. I was not one of those who got sick the first time and boy was I dumb and all that. I loved Copenhagen from the first time I put it in my lip. It was not long before I was at a can a day…and even though I was only 13 years old could buy it at just about any corner store I wanted to.

My first betrayal was of my parents…next my wife…and then my kids…here is an open letter that they all received last night.

To my Mom and Dad. 33 years ago I started dipping snuff. Dad, I know that you knew because you got after your brother and tanned my hide the first time you found out. Mom I remember that your heart was broken. I promised you both that I would never do it again…and then went right back out and filled the lip again. Dad you caught me…wore me out again…and I still didn’t quit. It was a really good idea you had…putting a can of Cope in your medicine cabinet and telling me if you caught me again you would make me swallow it. I’m sorry, but you may not have noticed a little bit missing. You see, a couple of times after it had been sitting up there for months and I was really hard up, middle of the night and couldn’t get to the store you know…I snuck in, got a pinch, wet it down in the sink and dipped that. Sorry. I also learned to hide it by putting a small pinch in my upper lip under my moustache instead of my lower…I put the cans in my boots instead of in my pocket…and even time to time would carry them in my underwear. Up until 100 days ago…I was a grown man in my own house with a wife and 2 kids…hiding my dip from Mom and Dad. I am sorry…this time I can assure you it won’t happen again.

To my wife. You knew I dipped when we met. You always hoped I would quit. I even told you a couple of times that I would (like when the boys were born). If I remember correctly the line I gave you was, “oh no, family is way to important for me to keep doing that crap when the boy comes.” Riiiight. You bet! God, I’m sorry. You kept after me for almost 21 years now. Thanks. After our oldest was born I told you I’ll only dip outside because I don’t want the baby crawling around in that crap. Riiight. You bet. I have no idea how you put up with me. You begged…you cried…I told you I would, but I didn’t. I’m sorry.

To my oldest son. You turn 18 years old today. Happy Birthday. I went to your last high school jazz concert last night. You really stole the show. I have told you time and again how proud I am of you. As I have told you I was a damn good Jazz musician in college. Between my Trumpet and your Trombone we could have had a great time playing together…but you see about 15 years ago it just got to where I would rather sit down with a lip full than play my horn (that’s what this stuff will steal from you if you let it). Now when I would love to play along side of you…I can’t dream of playing at you level. I’m planning on picking up the horn again, I just hope that I haven’t waited too late to catch up, and you and I can enjoy playing jazz together…what a dream for a Dad.

To my youngest. You were in the concert last night too. But you are my little outdoorsman. Love to fish! Me too! But, me and my buddies like to dip when we go fishing, and I didn’t want you around that. So I went with them and you sat at home. You wanted to learn to play Golf with me. A Teenager wanting to do something with dad. Wow!! But me and the guys…we like to dip when we go play, I didn’t want you around that..so I went and played and left you at home.

Dear God, how do I make this up to the people that I love? I sit here now in the HOF, a grown man of 46 years crying like a baby writing this speech, saying I am sorry…but also saying I am the luckiest man in the world because you all are still here and I am going to do my damndest to make it up to you.

To all who read this on KTC…this is the friend…this is the confidant…this is the helper that we have chosen. This is what we MUST kick out the door. The first few days of quit were an absolute living hell…but it got better. And it got better because my goal was never the Hall of Fame….my goal was never a life time quit…my goal was never make it to the weekend. My goal was and IS

POST ROLL THIS MORNING…PROMISE YOU WON’T DIP TODAY…DON’T DIP TODAY. PLAN ON DOING THE SAME THING TOMORROW AND THEN GET UP AND DO IT.

I know it sounds simplistic…but it works. Pick up some friends…use PM’s use text…use the damn phone…but please don’t let it get between you and your family like it has done mine. There is not one honest quitter on this site that I would not stop almost anything for to talk you through a cave or an issue. Don’t call someone if you need help…don’t PM someone if you need help…PM ME or CALL ME. One promise I will make to you is I WILL NOT give you permission to cave.

Other than my family…I’ve got a few people I need to thank. Mule…you only PM’d me a couple of times…only mentioned me in posts once or twice…but I could let the Ol’ Mule down! NMC…thanks for talking me through some struggles and posting for me when I withdrew to the intro section. Thanks Monster and Outie…and even Smokey. There were sometimes I was so pissed at you I could scream..but there were also sometimes you kept me going. All the rest of May09 thanks to you all. Matt it is an honor quitting with you…same with you Colonel. We lost some guys along the way…guys that moved into other months….I’m watching!

Thanks to KTC. No back to business…I have posted roll this morning. I promise I WILL NOT dip snuff today. I plan on posting roll again tomorrow.

Thanks all

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member bnlelliott

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