100 Days ago was the day after my 41st birthday. I have had a relationship with the Nic Bitch on and off since I was 17…more on that off.
Chewing for me has always be a stress reliever. I used to play football and that was my outlet, but since that went away, I looked to chew to help. Work, home, school, didn’t matter.
When I started, I was a dirty chewer, full spit cans everywhere, huge dips, spitting all the time. While in college, my girlfriend (now wife) said she did not want to marry someone who chewed, so I told her I would quit. More like stop. I stopped for about a year or so, then started again, got caught, and stop again. This was our process for the next 15 years or so. Over that period, I stopped 4 times, but there was always something that pulled me back. I now realize it was the reason WHY I stopped, for someone else. I would quit for longer periods, then something would trigger and I thought I could handle it and start back up. Triggers included long drives, tedious work on the computer, etc. My most recent start occurred about 6 years ago with a long commute and travel for work.
Over the years I had gone underground with my chewing and became a ninja. NO ONE knew I chewed, except me and the random store clerks who sold it to me, and I chewed a lot. I was a ninja at home, at work, everywhere. I was not proud to be chewing, I knew it was bad, that it could kill me, that I didn’t want my boys to do it, but I was addicted, full on.
This past year had been a doozy for my family and me. We’ve had some major medical issues for my wife and my kids, including a cancer diagnosis, and many medical procedures. At the same time all of this was going on, my job was in disarray. My company decided to get out of the work I was hired to do. ALL of my coworkers I had worked with the past 9 years quit, and here I was, last man standing. I started looking for another job, but one that would allow my family to stay where they were. (Side note: my family has moved almost 20 times in our marriage for work…they are done) Some options came up, but all required moves. Things were not looking good.
Needless to say, my chewing was getting out of hand. I had a dip in almost constantly while I was awake. I would look for excuses to get out of the house, but even that didn’t stop me. I knew something was going to have to change, I wanted to quit but didn’t know how. And then it happened. My wife walked in and caught me, again. Big fight ensued, but this time was different, I felt support and understanding that this was truly an addiction and not something to get back at her. We did research and found this site.
Now, 100 days later, my family and I are talking about it, I’m not in hiding anymore, I have the support of my brothers and sisters in quit, and, most importantly, I don’t want to chew any more.
I want to thank my wife for understanding, my family for supporting me, KTK for being available for those of us who are ready to quit, my fellow Jackals (especially LJT and ChickDip for reaching out). Although I have not been an active contributor, I knew I had support and accountability.
Here’s to staying quit…for good this time, for me.