Quit Like A Girl
I’m a girl who likes boy things….
I’m girlie, but have always been a tomboy. I had 3 older sisters and one older brother, guess who i hung around more? I think that is how I got into this mess. Although I have meaningful and deep friendships with my gurlz, I hang around and play with the boys often, and they have adopted me as “one of the guys”. I love to fish, hunt, camp, play poker, play horseshoes, shoot guns and just a lot of no-nonsense things. I’d rather go fishing than shopping any day of the week.
The first time I dipped was at a BBQ , plaing horseshoes with my BFF’s sons (about 8 years my junior). They had a tin and i was a bit lit and asked if i could try it. I had stopped smoking about 5 years before that, and never thought of it as putting that poison back in my body. Stopped for about 5 years. Started up again with my boyfriend/now hubbs while Steelhead fishing one weekend. Only did it fishing at that point. Stopped for a few years before having my son and never picked it up again until he was about 11 or so. Dipped on and off for about 5-6 years and every day for the last 1-2 years. Each time I went back to it, it hooked me deeper until I was ninja dipping 18/7. Stressed, Happy, Sad, Angry, Bored, Hungry, occasionally I napped with a dip in!
Hubbs stopped on his own and nagged me to stop, the more nagged the more I refused, I really didn’t want to quit. Eventually, every time I put a dip in I literally thought to myself .. “I’m killing myself each time I do this” and BOOM, in goes the dip.. and for some sick reason, I didn’t really care.
I knew my family needed me, but I was basically giving up on life. Pretty strange for me because I have always been full of life and love my people with all my heart and soul. I’ve always been very responsible, caring and diligent, and my people have always looked to me for guidance, love and the little wisdom I do carry in my head. I did a lot of praying and soul-searching.
I knew something was “off” and I went online to find out how to stop chewing. KTC came up, I clicked the link, read a few things, then registered. Never looked back.
I came in confused, crazed, desperate, craving, skin crawling. I had no idea what it was like here. I had to take certain things on faith. Others I still keep at arms-length. I still needed to know how others did this quit thing, because I only knew how to stop, not really quit for good.
Leap of Faith
I am stubborn, wound a bit tight at times and have a slightly addictive personality…who knew?!
But all of that comes with love and generosity. I always want to give more than I receive.
This place works for me. Making the effort to mirror successful quitters isn’t always easy, but doing it has saved my life. I only knew what they told me, along with my intuition and my own knowledge of myself and my habits. Trust me, what’s good for me is not gonna be good for someone else. That is where the “take what you need and leave the rest” comes in to the picture. I use that still , all the time.
I’m involved. Why? Because someone “held my hand” when I first came in and I will never forget that act. I’m involved and posting more than just my group roll, simply because I want to show my gratitude and respect for the help I got when I first came into this forum and what I still receive now. It also broadens my circle of accountability and trust.
How strong you are is measured by how much you let others help. Making connections proved to be the most valuable thing that happened for me. Open yourself up, be a bit vulnerable. It’s scary, yes, it feels weird, yes, I took that leap of faith. The first 3 digits I got ended up being the 3 closest and needed ones for my early days of quit. If I hadn’t had those, I would have gone absolutely insane and most likely would have caved. Not because I am weak, but because I wouldn’t have cared one way or another, just like all the times before.
GET RIGHT in your head! You are not stopping, trying or hoping, you are QUITTING!
When i hit day 7 my mindset changed from just thinking “I’ve got to stay quit”, to having it be a NO BRAINER / NO QUESTION / NO OPTION to never touching nicotine again.
Bottom line, IMO, you have to inevitably quit for YOURSELF. You may have other reasons and people who are important to you that you want to spend more time with on this Earth, but without you doing it for yourself first, it won’t stick.
No one can care more about your quit than YOU!
I am quitting for me , for my family.
I will not hang anyone elses hang-ups or issues in my closet.
I will not let anyone elses hang-ups or issues cloud MY quit.
If every last one of you left my group… I would still be quit, sad but quit.
If any one of you never lifted a finger in my group to help again… I would still be quit.
I won’t leave because of it.
All this is a non-issue regarding my quit.
I am quit…. for today .. with you… but not FOR you.
I have to thank a butt load of people, first from my first day in LIVE CHAT, if I can remember who was there, it will be a miracle (I do, my brain is a miracle!). But that was pivotal to my strength of my quit. You can ask any one of them, I was a mess…. some of them stayed with me the entire time, (sorry for being a head case, sometimes stubborn, wound tight and inappropriately humorous ), some were in & out (that’s what she said, oh!) but all had an impact. I’ve met others on the KTC that have given me guidance along the way as well. I thank you all for my quit.
So, LIVE CHAT boyz and gurlz, my July Jackal brothers, I cannot express how much all o’ y’all mean to me, i have much love and respect for you… I can’t explain why I got so attached so quickly, but I did and that is the reason I am still here and still quit……I thank you from my whole heart <3.