2009 HOF Speeches

There Must Be Some Kinda Way Outta Here

PbKid avatar“PbKid – 1 – I want this bad.”

That’s how it started for me 100 days ago. My first post. I remember thinking that if I could just get locked away in a room for 3 weeks I could probably do it. I’d tried to quit a couple of times but failed, primarily due to what’s known here as dip rage. Not a big fan of losing or being pissed off for days on end, I just made up excuses not to quit for most of my adult life. My failures and excuses combined to put me in a box. My Skinner Box – like an animal in a cage, I pressed the lever, got my nicotine reward and eventually forgot what outside life was even like. I was trapped. I had done it to myself. And I wanted out in the worst way.

This guy’s walking down a street, when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep, he can’t get out.
A doctor passes by, and the guy shouts up, Hey you! Can you help me out? The doctor writes him a prescription, throws it down the hole, and moves on.
Then a priest comes along, and the guy shouts up, Father, I’m down in this hole! Can you help me out? The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole, and moves on.
Then a friend walks by. Hey Joe, it’s me, can you help me out? And the friend jumps in the hole! Our guy says Are you stupid? Now we’re both down here! And the friend says, Yeah, but I’ve been down here before, and I know the way out.
-from The West Wing, “Noel”

If you’ve ever done any climbing, then you know that it’s much easier to follow from behind than it is to be ahead kicking steps. And if you’ve done much cycling you know how much easier it is to be sucked along in someone’s slipstream than it is to be taking a pull at the front. If you’re reading this, feeling trapped, making excuses and wishing you were 100 days quit like me, then you just gotta trust me on this: this site works. People here are just like you, with the same excuses – bigger, better, new and improved excuses even. Nobody’s gonna hold your hand while you ‘try’ to quit, but here’s the thing: they’ve been there before and know the way out.

You almost certainly think, as I did, that if you quit, then you won’t be able to have any fun at golf, fishing, reading the newspaper, baseball, skiing, playing cards, or lighting off those big-ass illegal Chinese mortars on the 4th. You also think you need chew in order to drive long distances, do taxes, fly on a plane, get up, clean the gutters, take a shit, yaddayadda. Wrong, wrong, wrong. All of these lies combined do not even come close to one excuse. Quitters here are doing all of these things and they will show you the way. Well, except for the newspaper part, in at least one case.

I quit with rodeoers, cops, baseball players, truckers, a logger (calls himself “arborist” – whatever – guy climbs trees all day and smells like a two-stroke – that’s an invitation to chew), construction managers, ranchers, firemen, Rangers, 1/2 the licensed land surveyors in the U.S., I think a few felons and a dood named Trapper. Parents of special needs children and a cancer survivor helped me out of my hole. Total flaming assholes jumped in with me. Guys who had to take a cut in hours or lay employees off, jobs weren’t going well, girlfriend was leaving, who were enduring personal tragedy. Those people and excuses are all here quitting – and they reached a hand back to help me. Veterans here speak of a quit brother that lost a child, stayed quit, and stuck around to show more people the way out.

100 days ago I stopped making excuses and decided. I decided to quit. So can you. You’ll need to grow a pair, first. Having done that, you’ll need to trust me when I say that this site, and the people here – people who have traveled that same road, been in that hole, packed that “Tommy Kramer” three-finger fatty just like you – will help.

I’m glad I posted what I did on my very first post. Although I didn’t know it at the time, it will always remind me how badly I wanted this and how I don’t ever want to go back to that place, that box, I was in. I typed a promise to a bunch of strangers, hit ‘return,’ then grabbed onto the wheel in front of me and clung to it for dear life.

A few days in, my wife just looked at me, smiled, and moved on. A few days after that she said, smiling, “It’s different this time.” (hell yes, I got a damn map this time, and people kicking steps!) Thanks for being there for me…with your knowing smile. I used it to fend off the rage that got me before.

Thanks to my brother, Terry, who showed me that it doesn’t take a fancy ‘quit campus’ and people with letters after their names to quit an addiction. It takes BALLS. And for showing me that after you quit, life will be better. And you’ll be happier and funnier than ever.

Thanks, also, to my brothers here at KTC who jumped in the hole with me. I joined here for a personal reason, not really expecting some Interweb Marys to be the help I knew I needed. Some of you know you helped me but most of you don’t. April 09 – hella good team, the FOQers. I got lucky to join a group of smack talkin’ unemployed comedians with our own bus, designer punches, mad ninja skills, assorted firearms, wingdings, and latent man-love tendencies. 2jet, it’s been my privilege to fly with you.


Postscript – my personal hof
I started chewing cause I was a fucking dickhead and I stopped chewing cause I grew some huge fucking pig balls. Boom goes the dynamite. Quitting’s gone global!…..crikey! Fuck Copenhagen. I’m not feeling very “satisfied” with that whole experience. Kia Sportage LX – electric blue – you can’t miss it. It says “I am a gay mother fucker” all over it. I am a husband. I am a father. I am a member of KTC April 2009. And I Am A Quitter. “How’s it feel to get shit in the mail!?” Hey buddy, I wouldn’t drink that Coke if I were you. Mine tasted a little funny. Gently mix salt, worchester sauce & tabasco. Are you willing to endure a few days of discomfort, if it could save your life? Now, put your balls out, and get to quittin. That’s what I like to hear from a new quitter. You’ve got the right attitude kid. You are in essence, shaking my hand, looking me in the eye and giving your word….I will not use nicotine today.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member PbKid

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