2008 HOF Speeches

Your Last Chance

LastChance avatarI would like a dip right now. No, I’m not kidding. A big, fat, juicy lipper that will finally put my aching body at ease.

Do you remember the feeling you got when you came across an old picture of yourself — maybe in your teenage years, with a funny haircut, a multi-colored striped shirt two sizes too small, a stupid grin on your face that you practiced in front of the mirror the morning before the picture, trying to look like Clint Eastwood? Do you remember that feeling of embarrassment, looking at that picture, asking yourself, “What the fuck was I thinking? That haircut is horrible, that shirt is butt-ass ugly,” and “Why is my face half crooked with a shit eating grin and squinty eyes?”

When I look back and think about certain moments when I used to chew, I think about the times where I felt that tobacco was more important than my education, health, social status, job and family. I think about when I used to cut class in High School to chew, knowing that I would get in trouble and make myself ineligible to play in the weekend game. Or when I could not resist tossing in a wad of Skoal Straight in college, while trying to ask out one of the most beautiful blonde girls I had ever seen. (She was so disgusted that she walked away right then and there, perfect tits and all.) Or when, at work, I would prance around with my empty diet coke can spitting away, oblivious to what anyone else thought, so much that my boss had several sit-downs with me in an effort to get me to quit, or at least stop spitting in the trash cans. Or the stress I put on my wife for cleaning up spilled spitters and tobacco bits on the carpet, as well as her dealing with my constant bad breath and my complete disregard for her concerns about my health. Hell, I didn’t even worry about my health for the most part of my life with dip.

I am truly embarrassed. I have made my life more difficult by choosing to chew, and I needed it to stop. It stopped 100 days ago. Here’s how:

I will spare you the details of my previous, failed attempts at quitting dip (and there were numerous attempts). I will, however, tell you why I failed in those attempts. There were three main reasons. First, I did not know how to quit. Second, I was not held accountable for anyone but myself. Lastly, and most importantly, I tried to do it on my own.

Sun Tzu , author of the 6th century Military Strategy book, The Art of War, wrote, “The opportunity to secure ourselves against defeat lies in our own hands, but the opportunity of defeating the enemy is provided by the enemy himself.” I did not know how to successfully quit chewing tobacco because I did not know how tobacco affected my body and mind. When I first logged onto Killthecan.org and posted day 1, I was immediately bombarded with information about what I can expect and how I could overcome the constant cravings and physiological effects that occur during the first stage of a quit. I learned how to secure myself against the cave (aka defeat), and therefore successfully defended myself by using the tools, resources of the website. Once my defense was established, I recognized the opportunity to stay quit through focusing on the negative effects of tobacco. However, instead of doing this on my own, I relied on the support from the members of my quit group, The December ’08 Bouncers (who are bad ass quitters by the way), as well as some of the other veteran quitters such as Kevinsravens, Slug, Nodipnow, Ready, ksweeny, Buckfever, Kd4jet and Big Brother Jack (who is always the first to post – mad respect old guy) just to name a few.

I recognize that the war with the Nic Bitch is far from won. I feel her effects on me even to this day, and I recognize that it is something I will have to deal with my entire life as a nicotine addict. However, I plan to continue to be prepared, every day, one day at a time, for the Nic Bitch to strike. I plan to continue to be active on this site, and to help others who need the same support that I needed during my first 100 days.

The answer is yes, I do want to keep dipping… if only there were no strings attached. There are, however, too many fucking strings. I am tired of the bullshit that comes along with being so dependent on something that I am willing to alter the course of my life for it in a negative way. This is not how I want to live. Therefore, I decided to quit for good, 100 days ago. Killthecan.org and its members helped me through it. Thank you!
– LastChance / Brad

Oh, by the way… that blonde I told you about earlier… the one from college… ya… she was bisexual. I know this because my roommate at the time (who didn’t dip) had a three-way with her and this other hot chick shortly after she left me in disgust. FUCK YOU TOBACCO!!

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member LastChance

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