So this is what it feels like to be 100 days without being a slave to nicotine. I do have to say that I had never thought that I could have made it, just like a lot of other people have said those same words.
As I look back, it was late in the month of June. I was having my annual physical checkup. It was at this same time there was a change happening within my head. And I really do not know if it was before I saw the doctor or after, but I looked at the 2 tins I had and said that this is the last It was that afternoon and night I started searching the web for help. I stumbled upon the kiilthecan.org site and started to read. I found the alternatives area and immediately ordered some. I kept reading but did not as of yet sign up in the forums. Why? Well I have always been the safe guy. I do not gamble, I am the quiet one usually sitting off to the side of groups. Not sticking an opinion in anywhere….And with seeing the site as ‘extreme’ I was not sure if I wanted to join.
But I did keep reading, reading the words of wisdom, some of the HOF speeches…..it took a couple of days. Then it finally hit me. In all the reading I realized that I was an addict. I also realized that I was going to need to take a step outside of my comfort zone in order to stand up and do something about this addiction. I wanted to make this my one, only and final quit. That was when I decided to take that next step to change my life and on July 2nd I flushed the last of what I had (that started over 23 years ago), and July 3rd, joined this site, posted my day 2 and have posted each and every day since.
It was a wild ride starting before the 4th of July. There was still baseball to coach. I was one of 4 coaches for our 10 & under tournament team, where 2 of the other coaches dipped and the fourth smoked, real fun there. But the first weekend I told them I quit and they supported me. And what do you know, I did not need that crap to coach. Then there was the July 4th picnic, where my wife’s cousin opens a tin right in front of me after I told him I quit. He didn’t offer and did say sorry. And guess what, Hamburgers taste pretty good without the lingering artificial taste of crap in your mouth. And then there were all the summer activities with my son’s swimming where the dipping was more of a something to do during the long periods of down time between watching them in their events, and well I was able to keep myself busy so I didn’t need it. Then of course there were the early morning and late nights with the campouts with the Boy Scouts, where I have now found myself enjoying that time more and more without any poison in my body. I may have picked a better time in the year to quit, one where I may not have had as many activities going on, but I am glad I did it now. As life is busy and how can I really say when would be better.
I am usually an even keel guy, but even I recognized the highs and lows that I was going through as I fought this each and every day. And with staying close to this site and learning what was coming and what I needed to do to deal with it has helped me tremendously and in the end has saved my life. I cannot thank those who had started this site enough for what they have done, and how it has affected my life. I may be an addict but I am no longer a slave.
I even reached out to help with the upkeep of our month’s spreadsheet, again stepping out of a comfort zone where I would be putting a little more of myself out there to help my neighbors. And you know what, I found out that I could not have been placed into a group of better brothers and sisters than the Oct 12 madmen and madwomen of quit. Everyone from my sisters: 2mch and Divine to my brothers: Eric, Kstamp, Jag, Suds, Sport, Mich34. and others… You guys and gals are the best and I hope that you realize that even the smallest word, whether it be on the roll, in a text, in the chatroom, has helped me enormously, just feeling that I was not alone going through this. I thank you all. I hope that this feeling lasts much longer as we continue this quit well into the future.
I would be amiss if I didn’t mention the others outside of the madmen and madwomen that I have been in many of chats with throughout the last 100 days and know that there are some I will miss. The list begins with coach steve, cwc, mthomas, wedge and morgan who were the firsts to shoot pm’s my way when I joined. But grew so large when jumping into the chat room to include crockett, jpine, cmark, woosel, p23,, bwb, mike(s), bruce, bis, erd., 30,, the moderators kdip, tarp, mj, gmann,… And Tsthar I must have been the easiest mentee that one could ask for but I do thank you for the small words that are always needed. Hope you guys all get the picture as there are so many of you and I appreciate the time, even the smallest amount, that you have shared with me.
One of the things I have realized the most over the past 100 days, is that this site is not only about quitting, but you get a great bonus out of it, when you take a step outside your own comfort zone, and gain friends that become like family through the process.
I would also need to say that to my wife and kids, thank you for bearing with me though these days, that I hope this shows you how much I love you in that I want to be around and there for you for many years to come.
My aim next is to that 2nd floor as this quit is not done yet, I kind of like being out of my comfort zone. Either that, or now that zone has expanded where there is plenty of room for others to join.
thanks for listening to this ‘plain’ Derek.