Here’s my ‘redo’ when it comes to my intro. I’ve already posted my intro (titled ‘my quit quit) but I wanted to share an experience that I had on Day 4 (Saturday June 29th). You better use this as an example and NEVER get this close to becoming a fucking loser like I did. Make your promise and stick with it, learn from my fuck up and quit on!
On Saturday June 29th I took my boat out with some friends down here on Lake Austin…we were drinking/partying it up (you know typical lake activities) after a day of drinking on the water and catching some sun, we docked the boat and all went home. I was too drunk to drive and would never chance a risk such as that so I called a cab to take me back to my house. Remember I was drunk (couldn’t drive safely). Once I got into the cab, the cab driver asked where we were going and I gave him the address to my house and continued on…the ride was about 15 minutes from my boat dock to my house.
Here’s the part you really need to pay attention too, and learn from.
During that 15 minute ride all I could think about was having a cab driver stop at the Shell station that was across the street from my residential community. I sat in the back seat for 10 minutes pondering the thought if I should ask the driver to take me to Shell station so I can have a fat juicy pinch of fresh Copenhagen Long Cut. Just about 2 minutes before we were supposed to take that left turn into my community I told the driver to take me to the Shell…and he did. I got out of the cab happier than shit, ready for the big ass lip full of Cope. I go in and get a Diet Coke and a can of Cope. Get back in the cab and he takes me home. Once I get inside my house….it’s freedom at last…FINALLY A DIP TO RELIEVE MY URGE….THANK GOD…
So I start to cut open the seal around the can with the same pocket knife I use every time I open a new can in my kitchen (knife sits in a drawer next to the sink). I open up the can with precision, like I’m treating this can like the fucking King of Great Britain. I pop the can lid off smell the aroma of fresh Copenhagen…at this point it’s almost like an orgasm in a can…literally.
I then proceed to pinch me a nice packed pinch and have it sitting there 1 foot from my mouth…nicely packed and pinched destined to land in the lower left side of my lip. Here it is, what I’ve wanted ALL day and finally I can cure that craving….
I had that pinch in my fingers ready to make its final descent into my lower left side of my lip…time froze…froze like an Alaskan dogs balls on a 150 mile sled ride in 10 degree weather with a 47 mph steady wind.
During that 7 or 8 second time lapse of slow motion (so it seemed)…I had more thoughts then I think I’ve ever had in that short of time. Some of those thoughts were:
- Disrespecting my KTC brotherhood. The WHOLE KTC community.
- Letting Phil, Suds, TurnBow all down. My first line support.
- Letting MYSELF down. Who’s more important than YOURSELF?
- Attempting to encourage cancer to ruin my life.
- Letting my family down.
- Wanting to be known as a nicotine addict AGAIN.
After those 7 to 8 seconds were over, I let go of that pinch of Cope, turn on the faucet, popped the lid off that can and dunked the WHOLE BRAND NEW CAN under water and watched it circle the drain. THAT FELT LIKE THE BIGGEST WEIGHT OFF MY SHOULDERS.
I was so close to caving I was literally a half second from becoming a slave to the can and a traitor in life. FUCK YOU CAN!
These are just a few thoughts that I had in that short lapse of time right before I become a slave to the can AGAIN. More than just a slave but I would have to explain myself to all my brother and sister hood on this site. How would you like to feel telling everyone you weren’t strong enough to keep your promise to stay quit? That alone should be enough.
The moral of this post is to NEVER put yourself in the position that I did myself. Yes, I was lucky to be able to make it out of that position without caving or being a weak ass bitch. If I was in that same position physically and/or mentally in the future I would choose to call my support brothers and ask them for permission.
I hope everyone learns a little something from this post and makes damn sure you never get this close to caving. It’s not worth it and just know you’re letting down a whole brotherhood that really truly cares more about your selfish ass if you decide to give up on weak ass self.
Stay quit and use your support brethren.