There are a lot of reasons to quit dipping. I have enjoyed some of those since I quit on July 10, 2015: my mouth feels better, spending more time with my family, blood pressure is normal again, acid reflux is practically gone, stopped sweating for no reason, getting sleep, I’m not worried about that pain in my neck or the sores in my mouth, and I have more energy to live my life.
However, that stuff does not compare to the most important thing that has come from my quit. It is something that I did not expect when I quit. It is something that only rarely gets discussed on KTC, but it has changed everything I once thought I knew about this stuff.
I am a nicotine addict. Worse than that, I was a slave to nicotine. My delivery method of choice was dip. Showers, drives, working in the garage, at work, games, cards, video games, TV, sporting events, grocery store trips, gas station trips, any time Mrs. Nothing was out of the house, mowing the lawn, weddings, bachelor parties, etc. Pretty much any time Mrs. Nothing was not around, I banged that can.
Slavery is defined as: “complete ownership and control by a master.” Essentially, slavery is the opposite of freedom. I was a slave. I used to live my life by planning on when I would get to dip next. I can’t count the number of times that Mrs. Nothing would tell me she had errands to run and I inwardly rejoiced. I’d ask how long she would be gone because I needed to plan how many dips I would be able to get in before she returned.
I took breaks from vacation, stayed up late, took the long way home, anything I could do if I felt like I “deserved” a dip. I was so enslaved, my routine rarely varied. Wake up, dip in the shower. Go to work, dip first thing because nobody was there. 10:00 a.m. rolls around, dip/break time. After lunch, dip. 3:00 p.m. afternoon break/dip. Shower after dinner with a dip. If I had a meeting that ate up the morning dip time, I would cram two after lunch. It’s not my fault the meeting ran long, right?
I was addicted to the nicotine, but I was addicted to the routine as well. Worse than that, I gave my hard-earned money to willingly continue down that dark path. I used nicotine to anesthetize my emotions. Happy? Use. Sad? Use. Angry? Use. Stressed? Use. I was so enslaved that any time I felt a human emotion, I used. Even keel. Don’t get too high, don’t get too low. Just me and the only thing I could turn to that didn’t judge me.
I was miserable and didn’t know it. Nicotine had me convinced that I just needed to ride it out. Stick with nic and we’ll get through this together. I believed it. I paid money to flirt with death.
I am no longer a slave. I am still an addict. I’m a dormant addict though. Every single day I wake up, I now choose to be my own master. I will live my life on my terms (subject to some intercession by Mrs. Nothing, of course). I no longer live life between dips, I have taken that off the table. I am in control again and I will never go back, because I’ve tasted true freedom, and it’s so damn good.
I would like to thank worktowin, Candoit, IDWC, and JKE. Candy and IDWC talked me off a ledge in the late 20’s of my quit, that may have been the end of it altogether. W2W and JKE gave me words of advice that reinforce my quit every day. Most especially, the wonderfully dysfunctional FUN Bags. I would not be writing this without you guys. As tough as the first 50 days or so was for our group, we have persevered with a resilience that I have not heretofore known. Only 28 of us are still posting, but those 28 have changed my life.
I am quit because I bought into the KTC way. I tried so many times before without a semblance of success. I am quit because I read everything I could on KTC for weeks when I first started here. I am quit because I took advice, I posted support in other groups, I tried to give advice in introductions. I am quit because I saw the value in no longer being a slave to nicotine. I am quit because dip sucks. I know that now. You can too. Quit today. Stop being a slave to nicotine. End the slavery while you still can, while it hasn’t taken everything from you, including your life.
Give your promise, keep your promise, repeat every 24 hours. Do it or don’t.