Go – I Didn’t Plan to Quit. Not Anytime Soon.
I didn’t plan to quit…. not anytime soon.
I knew eventually that I would quit, I thought about quitting several times in the last 33 years. I did quit for almost a year in the 1990s…I don’t remember the hows or whys but I decided to start dipping again.
One day in February 2016 a coworker saw me take a dip of Copenhagen and flat out told me, “Rowland have you thought about quitting? You really should quit.”
It was just that simple.
I had not quit because no one said GO
I googled how to quit and I found this.
I studied the page and set about to quit by watching the trigger times, reducing the dip amount, dip every other crave…until one day I was working and forgot to dip all day….I didn’t want to reward myself for not dipping with another dip so boom…Feb 21 was my quit date. February 22 at about 8 pm it hit me like a freight train. I did not sleep…hell I couldn’t…. the tinnitus was like 2 screaming midgets in each ear. My heart raced like I had just ran a mile but I was lying in bed. When I did sleep it was only for a few minutes….just long enough to soak the sheets in sweat. I called in sick to work for the next 3 days.
It was during the 3 days off that I googled my symptoms, insomnia, anxiety, tinnitus…..
One of the first choices was KTC, I was amazed at the accuracy in which they described the “SUCK” and I was well into it.
I read a few things on the site and not sure if I did an intro so much as I joined the June Quitters.
Yeah I cheated…I technically should have been in the May quitters but my HOF would have fallen on May 31, my brother’s birthday, so I moved my 100th day to my birthday June 4th.
WildIrish was my contact….I’m glad because he was straightforward and not so buggy for an admin of sorts. He showed me the ropes and fucked with me when I screwed up the roll, other than that pretty much answered my questions and left me the hell alone….( He was in mid suck at the time too….pretty sure he didn’t give 2 shits)
Well into the suck I read on someone’s signature ( Texas yeti?) here.
This page stuck with me, I didn’t dip snuff….I was a drug addict. An addict as if I was on meth. Legal drug or not I was an addict. FML
There were days when I wondered if I was ever going to experience that “satisfied feeling” again some other way or had I already fried that neuro pathway forever. Had I permanently screwed up my brain?
Guess what? No one gives 2 shits about your quit but you and the guys on the KTC site. Life will still bring you the everyday stresses and bullshit monotony. I had to learn new coping skills just to avoid frequent trips to HR. Walking away from idiots is a fine start to avoiding trouble. I found myself working alone more often than not.
At day 100 I am glad I quit, I am glad I suffered through the suck, I am glad it wasn’t easy. I am glad I didn’t cave, and I am certainly glad I found KTC.
I have settled on a new normal that changes almost daily, each day being better than the last if only slightly.
I am glad my wife doesn’t put up with me being an asshole just because I quit and tells me so.
June 4th, day 100, 52 years old, 2 days from being married for 30 years.
Remember that life doesn’t care if you quit or that your HOF is today. It is still full of its own challenges regardless of your feelings. Go kick its ass.
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member newtexican