December 31, 2010 Approximately 2000 hrs:
I took my last dip. I had decided to quit. My last dip was nothing special, almost disappointing. The truth of the story is that I really don’t remember it. I had done it daily for 13 years, all day long, so why would I remember this one?
January 1, 2011 0430 hrs
I was working days on that weekend, which meant up at 0430 to be at work at 0530. I stop by the local Walgreen’s to buy some nicotine patches. I am going to use the patches to help me quit. They are going to be the answer, the key to my quit. I spend $35.00 on a box of the strongest patches they have, cause hell, I dip a can to a can and a half a day of RED SEAL FINECUT, so surely I need the strong ones. I apply the patch in the parking lot, and I head into work. I’m going strong until about 0930, when I started to feel dizzy and light headed…almost like I was drunk. I tried to fight through it, but that patch was fucking me up. I was almost like the first dip I ever took. I was light headed and shit was blurry. I pulled the damn thing off my shoulder and threw it in the garbage can. There is no way that I can quit dipping by replacing the nicotine in my system with even more fucking nicotine. Now I am screwed. I am never going to be able to quit without my patches. As time allows, I start searching the internet for ways to quit dipping. Somehow I ended up on this website called KilltheCan.org. I start looking around and see that there is a large group of people that have quit lipping big ole’ dog turds by using this site. But how do they do it? This stuff about promising someone I don’t know that I won’t dip for a day could never work. I close out the browser and go on about my day. I’m eating cherry life savers and chewing big red gum like a fucking rabid wolverine. Anyone that crossed me on that day bore the brunt of my wrath. Finally I make it through the work day and get home. Just for shits and giggles, I go back to this Killthecan.org site and look around some more. What the hell, it can’t hurt. I will give this a try. The following was my first post on KTC.
January 1, 2011 20:17hrs:
I’ve never been one to ask for help for anything! The stubbornness I suffer from blinded me to the fact that I am addicted to Nicotine, that dirty whore that is like a never ending case of the clap! Fuck it! I’m tired of being Snuff’s lil bitch, and its time to make things right with myself, so here I am, pouring my thoughts out onto this website. Hopefully it will help, after 13 +- yrs I am ready to get rid of this shit. Today was day one! A pack of gum and a roll of life savers later, I have made it. Fuck you nicotine, Im already one up on you!
That is how it started for me. This was my first post on KTC, and as it turns out, I think it was the most important collection of words that I have ever written. Less than 3 minutes later, READY posts this reply: “Welcome, Post roll, Keep your word, You can do this!” I see this and think to myself, WTF is this and who is this guy? Why does he care about me?
READY was but the first of a long line of quitters that stepped up and offered themselves to me in assistance. The list of people that helped me out during the last 100 days would be way too long for this speech, so I’ll just hit some I will just hit some high points. SMOKEYG, FU, you are a fucking prick and had I met you in person, chances are one of us would have left in a body bag…but you are a hell of a quitter. LOOT, FU2! You really got under my skin at first, but then I decided that you were just helping in your own little self-righteous fucked up way. Later on, I began looking forward to our brief interactions. WVSUPER, I don’t know if you know it or not, but your little sporadic PM’s to me were life savers. I owe you more than you could imagine. AmericanNurse, I loved seeing you tear ass on cavers and people that were not committed to the cause. You are a bad ass quitter, and like I told you before, you have helped a ton of people stay quit, even if you don’t believe it.
Now, to my fellow April 2011 Brothers and Sisters, I thank each and every one of you. I owe all of you my life. I would never have been able to kick this shit to the curb if it wasn’t for my daily promises to each one of you. Ours was a motley crew of people all bound together by our common goal of kicking the shit out of the nic bitch. We had the largest group that I recall seeing on the site, and I know a certain prick said we would be lucky to have half of us to make the HOF. I personally take pride in proving that fucker wrong each time another one of us crosses the HOF line. We are 40 members strong, and I am damn proud to call myself your brother.
Now, to the people reading this and looking for inspiration or a fuzzy warm feeling or whatever the fuck it is that you are looking for…Quitting this nicotine habit is the best thing I have ever done. I feel so much better about myself than I did before. I don’t spend my time looking for a place to spit anymore, and I don’t have to sneak away during a movie to pack in a fatty. That being said, it is also one of the toughest things I have ever done. The first 2 weeks sucked more that I could have imagined, with the fog that just wouldn’t end and the headaches, and the moodiness. The only way to beat this thing is to bear down on it, drop your nuts and just fucking do it. The program here at KTC works, but you have to follow the advice of the veterans. They have been there before, so they know what they are talking about. Listen to them.
Well, I made it…I am a HOF’er now. I have to admit that making it to the HOF was very important to me. At first, it seemed like if I ever made it that far, that I would have this addition beat down for good. Now that I am here, I realize and understand that I will NEVER HAVE IT BEAT, and that I will deal with it for the rest of my life. The HOF is just another day that I have the honor of promising my quit to my brothers and sisters. It is an important milestone, but it is definitely not the end of the line. Due to that realization, I will see you all tomorrow morning, when I post my promise to keep the shit out of my lip for another day!