KTC Member #1: Aquaman | #43

Episode 43 – KTC Member #1 Aquaman

The Kill The Can Podcast
Recorded: May 31st, 2024

Chewie: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Kill The Can Podcast.

It’s actually Monday morning as I’m recording this. I’ve been trying very hard to get these episodes released every Tuesday, but last week both my guest and I were under the weather. I’ve been dealing with a pretty nasty sinus and ear infection for the last few weeks and still can’t hear much out of my right ear.

Long story short, we were supposed to record last week, but we finally managed to sit down together this past Friday. I’m excited to get this episode out because my guest today is none other than Kill The Can Member #1, Aquaman.

Back in the forum days, every member had a number associated with them, and Aquaman was the very first. I’ve known him for a long, long time, and he’s one of the people directly responsible for helping build the Kill The Can community into what it is today.

Enjoy the conversation.

Chewie: I appreciate you making the time to join me today. It’s been way too long. How have you been?

Aquaman: It’s definitely been too long. I’ve been really, really good.

Chewie: How’s the quit treating you?

Aquaman: It’s fabulous. I wish it had been this way the first time around. I feel great.

Chewie: What’s different this time?

Aquaman: Honestly, I can’t put my finger on any one thing. I think the biggest difference is that this time I truly accepted it.

Chewie: How long was your first quit?

Aquaman: Just shy of 1,100 days.

Chewie: And you’re beyond that now?

Aquaman: Oh yeah. I’m around 1,157 days today.

Chewie: That’s awesome. When you passed your previous quit record, did anything change? Was it just another day?

Aquaman: No, it wasn’t just another day. I knew exactly what it meant. It was a little sad, honestly, because I remembered everything that led to me going back.

The doctors had told me my kidneys were beginning to fail because of some antidepressants I was taking. My general practitioner actually told me to go back to dipping.

Chewie: I remember that.

Aquaman: Then I talked to another doctor—a heart surgeon in Texas—and he told me the same thing. I had two doctors telling me to go back to nicotine.

The heart surgeon said my brain was running on four cylinders and that nicotine would help. Looking back, I think that’s a bunch of nonsense. My brain wasn’t running on four cylinders—it was running on different fuel.

Chewie: So they told you to go back because of the anxiety you were dealing with?

Aquaman: Exactly. Building Kill The Can and QSX probably helped me get through my son’s death. But when my wife went through a deep depression afterward, it became more than I could handle. The anxiety was through the roof.

We were building a new market in Texas. I was traveling constantly. Things got pretty bad.

At the time, nicotine seemed like the answer.

Chewie: And when a doctor gives you what feels like a free pass, that’s an easy road to take.

Aquaman: Absolutely.

Chewie: Do you remember struggling with that decision?

Aquaman: Oh my God, yes.

Chewie: What was that first dip back like?

Aquaman: You’d think it would be euphoric. It wasn’t.

It wasn’t regret, exactly, but it definitely wasn’t what I expected.

Chewie: Did you get that massive head buzz everybody remembers from their first dip?

Aquaman: No. Not really.

Chewie: Wow. So you didn’t even get the payoff.

Aquaman: Nope.

Chewie: How long did you stay back on nicotine before quitting again?

Aquaman: About twelve years.

Chewie: Twelve years?

Aquaman: Yeah. Roughly 2009 to 2021.

Chewie: And before your first quit, how long had you used?

Aquaman: Thirty-two or thirty-three years.

Chewie: That’s incredible. And I have to tell you, knowing where you are now absolutely pumps me up. There’s something different about this quit, and you can hear it when you talk about it.