The nicbitch is a hard master. I started smoking cigarettes in 1970- I smoked two packs a day of Marlboro reds until 6 years ago when my wife had a severe stroke. On the way home from the hospital with her I quit smoking cigarettes. I went on nicotine replacement patches, gum etc. I was the poster child for Nicorette…loved it so much I chewed it for over a year while not smoking. Thought I was doing good. Then one day I was not getting enough kick from the gum and thought I would try a new thing I saw called “Snus” Wow that was some good stuff. I played with it for a little and then bought a can of Skoal pouches. Wow it was heaven. I gave up Nicorette and started using pouches…it has been five years now back addicted to nicotine. This is the first time I ever got off it. It has been the hardest thing I have ever done.
I was the worst. I dipped everywhere. I used the pouches so most did not notice my addiction. I chewed at home, work, driving and shaving. Hell I would have chewed while sleeping if I could have kept it in! Nasty spit cups in my cars, beer bottles half filled with spit setting next to my chair in the living room, next to my bed everywhere. And the tobacco stains to match each spot. I was disgusting.
Nicbitch has got a hold on me! Yessir e’ Bob!
Well I started to have some new problems. I started getting sore throats and coughing uncontrollably. I started going to the doctor six months ago and he could not find the problem. I never told him the real problem. Grizzly pouches! He kept putting me on steroids to get better. That happened three times before my quit.
Then I finally gave in. I was whipped. I knew my days of dating nicotine were over. I loved her but she really deep inside hated me. And she knew how to hurt me and make me love it all at once. What a mean person. Nic-o-tine.
Well I signed up here having already quit for a day. I needed help. I was not going to make it as a quitter without some help. After I signed up I forgot to post for two days. I had not caved, just could not get my head straight enough to remember to do it! I was a mess. My addiction and cravings of 45 years of tobacco use were needless to say a little strong. I was angry, sad, secretly crying, and bumping into walls. I had a fog that lasted almost 40 days.
Then thanks to Kill the Can and all my friends here, it finally cleared. I still have the cravings. I am still addicted. I will never be cured. I will always remember what it felt like during the “Suck.” I am vowing to never do it again. But today I am nicotine free. It has been the hardest thing I have ever done, but one of my proudest moments. Thanks everyone for sharing my journey.