One Goal Down

KTC Logo Old Photo100 days nicotine free!

I like to set goals, plan how I will reach my goals, then achieve the goal I set.  This had worked for most things I had set out to accomplish – except quitting nicotine.  For most of my adult life I used some form of nicotine.  I quit smoking one very cold night outside a hospital.  My wife lay in a hospital writhing in pain, and I was outside lighting one up.  I stared at that pack of smokes, threw them in the trash, and went up to support my wife.  Six years went without a thought of using nicotine until one fateful day on a golf course.  I asked some new coworkers who were dipping if I could have a pinch.  I was hooked from then on.

I thought I could quit dipping any time.  Just like how I quit smoking.  But, I never could.  I would ease off at times, and then I would dip hard.  Years went by without even the thought of wanting to quit.  But, as I got older and knew that time was not on my side, the thought of having to quit began to push to the forefront.  When I tried to quit and couldn’t make it one day, then I began to question my resolve – that willpower I was so proud of in the past was almost non-existent – I started questioning could I ever quit again?

I never thought I was an addict.  It was just a nasty habit until I realized that I could not quit.  I let nicotine control my life.  I actually started hating the habit of dipping.  The only thing I really wanted was that nicotine fix.  I could not stop dipping – a habit I hated and began to thoroughly resent – because I was addicted to nicotine.

So, one bright sunny day, I just quit.  I didn’t tell anyone.  I just quit.  Actually I quit twice.  That first Sunny day in September, I quit buying dip and just bought nicotine gum.  I quit the habit I hated but not the addiction.  But, that second sunny day in October, I finally quit nicotine.  I finally decided to quit nicotine.  I didn’t tell anyone about that decision either, which was not a very smart decision.

My wife is a very smart lady.  She caught on that I was not dipping since September, but she thought I quit everything.  We never talked about it,.  Quite frankly, because I thought I was so good at ninja dipping that she wouldn’t know.  She thought that gum that I started chewing was just regular chewing gum, until I started to become a stark mad raving lunatic because of nicotine withdrawals.  I finally confessed to her that I quit for good.  I am a man of my word and if I promised my wife no more, well, it was no more.

That first week was so very hard.  I don’t remember much of it now.  The only thing I really remember was thinking how the hell am I going to get through this.  Now the only thing I really want to remember is that I never want to go through that week again.  By day 5 I couldn’t take it anymore.  That day five was the day I joined KTC.  I didn’t research what KTC was all about.  I just had to get some type of help.  I just had to get some reassurance that I was going to be ok and what I was going through was “normal”.  I was such a noob.  I was also very reluctant to do what everyone was telling me to do – make friends with strangers on the internet.

Thankfully, I took a leap of faith.  The first person who helped push me off the ledge was Aumegrad.  A BAQ from Rawktober, who also is a man of Faith.  Without trusting him, I really don’t think I would be that active in KTC.  Thank You Jonathon.  You have helped me more than you know.  I also starting conversing with members from the January 19 quit group.  The first of the January Crew to get me to jump off the ledge was Keith0617.  Keith was also the first person that I talked with on the phone.  Keith is a leader within our group, and Keith really wanted all of us to bond.  Thank You Keith!  I also want to thank my quit brother Cambellmi13 who I have shared every milestone with.  I never wanted to let either of these Gentlemen down.  I also want to thank the rest of the Crew that I text daily with:  Jamesp, Huntfish, and Sand44.  Who would have thought that I would be texting a promise not to use nicotine with 2 guys from Canada!  I would like to thank MikeW2018 for the daily text support and for being a Bad Ass Conductor.   Mike is a genuinely good guy who wants to help everyone he can.  Thanks to Broccoli Saurus who strengthened my quit not only with his words but with the leadership he displays.  Also, thanks Broc for showing me that it’s is good to have fun on KTC – especially with messing with other groups names on roll!  Thank You Samrs for helping me when I needed it most.  It was Day 69, and I was in a really bad funky valley.  Craves, fog, anxiety, you name it and my brain was throwing it at me.  I reached out for help, and Sam you gave that support freely.  Now not only do I get quit advice, but I also get a daily joke as well!

Day 100.  Nicotine free.  One goal down.  I am on the train.

New goals:  2nd Floor.  1 year, 365 days.  Help as many people as I can to quit nicotine.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member oldschool

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