Well… over 28 years ago, when I was the ripe old age of 7, I started smoking. Not long after, I discovered chew while fishing with a friend who had swiped it from his older brother. (back in the day where a 7 year old could go off on his bike alone for a couple of hours without an amber alert goin’ out)
For the next 28 years, I had nicotine in my body. When it got hard to breathe, I would switch to chew. When my mouth would start to hurt, I would either pack it in the top lip or go back to cigarettes. I’m fairly certain my body was convinced that nicotine was produced by a gland. That gland had issues from time to time when I would try to quit, but it would inevitably start secreting nicotine again. Telling my wife (now my ex-wife) I would quit, over and over, and not being able to make it stick, became the norm. Making excuses as to when I would try again, because I was afraid I would fail again and didn’t even want to try, went right along with that. The beginning of the end was February 12, 2007. I did not quit that day, but this day impacted me so profoundly that it was pretty important to my later decision to finally quit for good. I received a phone call from my ex-wife that my oldest daughter (15 at the time) was in the ER and that it looked like congestive heart failure. To make a very long story short, it turned out to be kidney failure, and she had a transplant in July of 2007. But the point of my telling that is that, for several days, it was quite possible that I would outlive my child. She was so young! She’d barely lived yet! She hasn’t fallen in love, had children,…. any of those things that we consider to be involved in a “full” life.
Wait a minute… I’m only 35… I’m not that old… I have a lot of living to do yet… I am once again in love… I want to live to get married again… I want to live to see my grandchildren… I want to walk all 3 of my girls down the aisle… so many things that could be missed if I don’t beat this fucking addiction…
This past July, me, my fiance and my 3 children all went on a vacation to D.C. I ran out of chew on the way home to Minnesota and said “fuck it… I’m done”…
A few days later, while at a bar with several of my fiance’s relatives who all smoke, I bummed a few cigarettes while outside with them talking. Back at it again. FUCK! I was disgusted with myself. My fiance was PISSED! I had already tried virtually every smoking cessation product known to man. The next Monday, I was searching for answers. I found KTC. I signed up. I posted roll. I posted stupid shit to get a laugh. I hit the chat rooms. I couldn’t concentrate on a damn thing related to work or homework anyway… may as well chat.
Now… 100 days later, I can think again. I can work on a vehicle without nicotine. I can drive a vehicle without nicotine. I can fish without nicotine. I can do all of the things I used to… without nicotine. In the past few months, I have been through a lot of shit. Some caused me to want nicotine. Not enough to make me give in though. Everybody goes through shit in their lives. If the jackasses on this site can beat this shit, I’m not gonna give in either. Timmay can quit? So can I! MadXDipper can quit? So can I! JPine can quit? So can I! Get the fuckin’ picture?
Here’s a partial list of those responsible for me making it this far… if I miss you, please get the knot out of your panties…. if you’re ever in Minneapolis, call me for a beer..
To all the lumberjacks in November ’08… thanks
Timmay, MadXDipper, JPine, BuckFever, Mule, BBJ, theo, animal, sbtzc, 11X4, franpro, monty, Slug & the rest of the chatters… thanks
TheOrphan7 … FU
10000 more days or so of this to go… I’ll knock ’em down one at a time, just like the last 100…