The Tale of a Pussy, Hero and Leaving a Legacy

My dipping story started circa 1984. I played football and baseball during school and can remember dipping was the thing to do if you’re in sports. I remember my first dip of Copenhagen. I was in boys athletics in the weight room when I was offered a dip. I remember seeing my football coaches put their tin lid in the can and shovel out half the damn can and put it in their mouths. I remember buying a can here and there and hiding it from my parents. My dipping was very infrequent..my dumbass should of quit then.

I completely committed to the can in 1988. I was proud of the copenhagen pyramid that I had made in my college dorm room. For some reason, it was a fucked up sense of accomplishment.

During that time, I never thought about getting cancer or if my dipping affected anyone else.
I got married in 1993 and the lying started. My self esteem went down the tubes. I was existing in a world of bullshit.
I was tired of disappointing the wife telling her I’m going to quit and end up starting back again. I felt like I was drowning.

One day, I was working and went into a bathroom at a restaurant to wash my hands. For some reason, I pulled my cheek out and looked at my gums. I saw what looked like leukoplakia. I had always heard that if you see the white patches in your mouth you are on your way to getting cancer. This scared the shit out of me. I QUIT that day. I remember pouring out my new can in the trash.

The same day, I googled oral cancer and this site was one of the sites that came up. I was actually looking for oral cancer pics.

Throughout the coming days and months, I found myself constantly checking that spot. It would not go away. I was too much of a fucking pussy to get the white spot looked at. After joining this group and quitting, I couldn’t stand it any longer. I had to know if that white spot was cancer. I eventually ended up going to my ENT that did a biopsy. After several days, thank God it came back benign. I’m lucky.

I was in Wal-Mart tonight and was looking at a Skoal advertisement. It said, “Welcome to the brotherhood.” I thought what a fucking lie. The brotherhood of what, slavery, cancer and a life full of misery? Wow, those motherfuckers ought a burn in Hell for the misery, lies and death they spread.

As stated above, I recently had a biopsy done on a spot in my mouth. The other night, I sat down with my 11 year old son. I have never told him that Daddy used to dip snuff. Well, I told him and showed him the sore from the removal of flesh in my mouth. I told him what caused it and that it could have been cancer. I warned him never to touch that stuff.

I told that story to my Dad, who is down visiting. I can remember Dad having a chaw of Days ‘O Work chewing tobacco in his mouth when I was a kid. I also remember Dad moving to snuff instead. I also remember taking a dip of Skoal wintergreen (in the original cardboard can with the date on the bottom) from my dad. I also remember my Dad QUITTING.

When Dad quit, He didn’t have a group of QUITTERS that he could chat with everyday. He just plain stuck it out and quit cold turkey. I remember thinking to myself, “How the Hell did he do that?” I’m still amazed at his will power and steadfastness…what a tough SOB.

Anyhow, tonight, I told Dad what I had told my son. He said that it was a good thing I did that, and that he will always remember Daddy showing him what dipping will do to the mouth.

Now, I’m proud of my quit. I can honestly say that I have not put a pinch of snuff in my mouth in over 100 days.
Another thing that kept my quit strong was waiting to see what you fuckers posted. I noticed that Bert and I had the same quit day and had the same dumbass sense of humor. I would post everyday and see what Bert wrote. I would try to could come up with something that was similar.

It was funny how Bert and I made a lot of references to either Napoleon Dynamite or Office Space. Two of the best movies ever made.

That made my quit a lot easier. Thanks for being there Bert.

I know this sounds rather sappy, but I appreciate you staying your course, because it helped me stay mine brother.
There are several others to thank as well. All of May 09, Huntemup, NMC, I can’t name them all. You know who you are.

If you are reading this and thinking of quitting, DO IT! You will feel better about yourself and a heavy burden lifted not having to worry about cancer.

Thanks again for allowing me to be in the REAL “Brotherhood.”

Steve “Sparky2001” Johnson

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Sparky2001