Reflection is something that I have learned over the last 27 years in the Air Force. The ability to look back at decisions made and determine the worth of them and the ramifications of them as well. Since my introduction speech was so weak I figured I would try to make up for it here in my FIRST of many HOF speeches.
I had been dipping for about 26 years when I quit on 9 Jan 17. Previously, I had only tried to quit 2 times over that span with one being very successful going for 20 months before I caved. I was being appointed a Deacon in my church and I could not hold that office if I was a dipper…my own personal conviction so I quit. It crept up on me innocently enough. I had 14 guys working for me…13 dipped all day right in front of me and one smoked. I lived with that with no issues for 20 months. I was using all mint chew as a substitute that entire time. Then on that fateful day, I was traveling to Westover AFB, MA…old school GPS was not working so I needed gas, dinner and directions…and looky there…a gas station with all 3! One of my triggers of course was gas stations and up till that point it had been 20 months since I had been in one. I walked to the counter and ask the clerk for directions and she said “Just a minute Honey” so there I was…standing there looking at a Shrine To DIP! I had an urge/crave for the first time in 20 months…so I walked away and got my sub sandwich and came back and said “hey, can I get those directions please” and of course she said “ just a min honey”…the DEEBIL was in my midst! As I stood there the temptation was getting stronger and the clerk came back and gave me the directions…and if she would have just walked away I would have been scott-free…but…she said “Is there something else I can help you with dear?” and then it was ON! I rationalized with myself saying…I’m here all week by myself…no one will know…I will throw it away when I leave…no big deal…gone 20 months without it…I deserve this…WHAT A MORON I WAS!!! So I said “ Yeah, give me a can of Wolf Wintergreen (I’m a Kodiak guy so I figured that stuff sucked and I wouldn’t do it long) and then I was off to the barracks. 45 mins later I was at the shoppette getting some Kodiak and then it was on again for another 10 years.
The lying was the worst part….I didn’t tell my wife or kids…kinda just left the fake dip out on the counter and dipped right in front of them…living a friggin lie…we had also moved so I was no longer a Deacon so it was all good in my mind…makes me sick just thinking about it. Fast-forward, my son (14 at the time) dimed me out to the wife that I was dipping…so then it was on…the wife and me fighting over dip…ugh! Finally, she dropped it but things were not right between us…the dip was in between us…
Sorry this is going so long but I wanted folks to know my whole story…there is a point to the madness just hold on to the end…LOL
So, we moved again and when we placed membership at the church where we got married I was asked to become a Deacon again…I said no thanks I am willing to do what I do and don’t need a title…what I was really saying was “ I want to dip and I can’t have a clear conscience if I am dipping and a Deacon” another moment of stupidity. From that point on I would not go to some church functions because I wanted to dip…or I would ninja dip which is even worse.
As my spiritual life matured and I realized that I was put here to spread the Gospel I found that the Lord provided me 2-3 opportunities a day to talk about him to others…but how effective was I with a big OLE CAT TURD IN MY MOUTH!?!?! I felt like a hypocrite…I had to stop…so here we go…
I called my best friend Conecrusherman (Scott) and told him I was quitting on 6 Nov 16 and asked if he wanted to join me and my son (yes, he dips and still does to this day) as we quit dipping. He of course said yes…so we started weaning off the dip so it would not be so bad…(started 14 days before quit date). At 1159 on 5 Nov 16 My son and I flushed the last of our dip down the toilet and it was on. I made 4 days and felt great and really had no harsh side effects which was shocking…this was easy…then I got into a car accident and was feeling a little sorry for myself and called my boy Cone. Turns out he wasn’t ready to quit and apparently neither was I as I went out and got a can of cat poop. Then my son started back and has not stopped…that is on him…he is a grown man and all I can do is take care of me and set the right example going forward.
I made my mind up that this has to stop and that I HAD to do this for myself otherwise it was not going to happen.
I prayed a lot and ask God to take this thorn from my flesh and to give me the strength to quit and to lead my best friend and son to that same decision…half way there…so I picked 9 Jan 17 as my quit date on 25 Dec 16. Again, I tapered off so it would not be so bad. So I started to look around for help aides to get me quit and stumbled across KTC. I read a little bit on 7-8 Jan and joined up on 8 Jan. I posted a brief intro stating that I would be posting day 1 on 9 Jan and promptly left the site. So at 0000 on 9 Jan 17 I flushed the turds down the toilet! I guess the DEEBIL knew I meant business because the amount of SUCK was incredible this time. I felt horrible, could not sleep, could not work…that is when Palpatine sent me his digits in a PM…soon followed by FishFlorida. If it was not for those 2 guys during the initial stages of my quit I don’t know if I would have made it.
I quickly drank the Koolaide after that and started posting more and reaching out for digits…that was the single best decision I made during my quit…get as many digits as you can as that is your safety net when the nic wench comes a callin!
The first 30 days were horrible! ODAAT is the only way I made it through…Went through the FOG 3 times so far…days 3-10, 36-42, and then 76 -83…let me say that they all felt the same but my frustration level was higher with each one as I felt I should be past that…RAGE set in only 3 times on days (approx.)14, 32, 72….been pretty good since then.
I then knew I needed to take this to the next level and challenge myself with a test and also in meeting up face to face with some BAQ’s. So I decided to drive from Montgomery, AL to Minn, Minn…setting up visits with Batdad, MNEngineer, PMILS, VIKING, and Palpatine. Sadly, I was only able to meet up with Batdad and MNx. What a great bunch of guys…I mean we have never met except for posts on KTC and text messages…but it was AWESOME! Make a point to find those quitters near you and go meet them face to face and make that promise not to use…I DARE YOU!!!! After I had those victories and met Batdad and MNx….I knew I could do it!
WHEW!!! That was a bit longer than I expected but I wanted to try to help someone out there with my trials and tribulations…if I can make it you can too…but you have to want it for you…if not you will fail.
Embrace the KTC way, Accountability + Brotherhood = Success…it works!!!
Don’t try to make KTC conform to you or your expectations…you just come off like and A_ _ hole or a prima dona…just do as you are told the first couple of weeks an then it will all make sense….it is ODAAT…do not even think about quitting for a lifetime…a wise old bird (BATDAD) told me that he felt a LOT of pressure every time he considered the thought that he would never dip again….and I completely agree and understand.
Wake Up Piss Post (WUPP), Every Dang Day (EDD), One Day At A Time (ODAAT)…I live by those words…I will continue to live by those words and I will continue to post my promise EDD and to help everyone I come in contact with to reach their goal of quitting for life…
So, I guess I am done…thank you to everyone who texts me, pm’s, and calls me….I have talked to only about 5 of those that gave me their digits…just know that over the next month I will be calling each of you….thank you KTC for the forum and thank you to my Brother’s and Sister’s in quit…God Bless and Quit On!