I am having the unfortunate pleasure of writing my second HOF speech.
My shame and embarrassment almost kept me from writing a second one. I have made it to the hall for the second time and I still feel badly for letting my original group down.
If you throw a rock into a still pond the ripples extend out quite a distance. That is what caves do. Yes, it affected me the most but think of all the others my cave let down. My poor children and wife that struggled with excitement and support during those up and down days of my first quit. My co-worker from the next office over that has been dealing with this addiction for 20 years. We decided to join up together and we hit the hall right around the same time. I begged him to not let my cave allow him to do the same. Man, was I frightened those first few days after he knew that he would make the same stupid choice. The guys who texted me on a regular basis from KTC. Was my cave going to open the door for them (I fully understand everyone is responsible for themselves, but we all influence each other)? My new quitter that I was supporting through his very fragile first days of his quit. The members of my group that have been quit together for almost 200 days and were still posting promises daily. They did not need this and I am sure it rocked their boats.
After close to 200 days quitting forever freaked me out to no end. I missed my chew and I deserved my chew. I work hard, I am raising three kids, and trying to keep a wife happy. I knew that I could slip back to the days of when I could sporadically have a chew. Maybe throw one in on poker night or when I was driving a long distance. I was not like the others on this site that chewed for 20 plus years. I was a new chewer and was not an addicted freak like all these others.
I was back to my old habit within a week. Chewing was not fun like it used to be because I knew I had let down so many. I knew that I was a complete addict and that I needed to go back to KTC. It took me 6 months but I came back with my tail between my legs.
I realized a few things once I returned. One, I was an addict and there was no going back to an occasional chew. Two, I was not special and my addiction was no different the ones that have been addicted for 20 plus years. I needed KTC and I needed to quit just as much as any other brother and sister in her. Three, I needed to get involved in my group. I signed up to help with the spreadsheet and I told my story at any chance I had.
KTC works but you have to work to build a nest of accountability. Newbies can get as many numbers as they can, they can post daily, and they can interact. Vets can continue to post and we can help the new quitters.
Not rocket science stuff here but hard work.