Honeybadger26 HOF – Take That First Step

I never saw myself as someone who’d get tangled up with nicotine. Most folks who fall into that trap start young, sneaking smokes or borrowing vapes as teenagers. Not me. I was in my 30s, thinking I had life figured out, when nicotine crept in like an uninvited guest.

A friend forgot their Juul at my house, and out of curiosity, I took a hit. Just a puff here and there, nothing to worry about. But that small spark ignited something I didn’t see coming, and soon I was tearing through Juul pods like they were my lifeline. Life got messy. COVID hit, and some rough personal events piled on. Stress became my excuse, and my addiction went into overdrive.

I upgraded from a Juul to a full-on vape, the kind that clouds up a room. It was my crutch. I’d throw a vape away, swearing I was done, only to buy another one days later. It was a cycle of promises and relapses, and I couldn’t break free. When I met my now-wife in late 2020, I tried to hide my vaping habit. I’d sneak hits when she wasn’t around, thinking I had it under control. But the addiction was stronger than my willpower.

By the time our daughter was born in 2023, I was vaping all day, every day. My wife, who’s been my rock through this, urged me to quit vaping for the sake of our family. I wanted to be a better husband and father, so I tried. But instead of quitting nicotine, I just swapped one poison for another. The day I stopped vaping, I started using Zyn pouches. Same addiction, different delivery system.

In 2024, I deployed to Kosovo, and that’s when things hit a new low. Away from home, under stress, I was smoking, dipping, using Zyn, and vaping—sometimes all in the same day. I was a walking nicotine factory, and I couldn’t see a way out. When I returned home, my wife made it clear she didn’t want me dipping. So, I adapted again: I’d dip at work or in my car and use Zyn at home to keep the peace. But let’s be honest—I was out of control. Nicotine was running my life, dictating my choices, my mood, my everything.

The wake-up call came on June 26, 2025. I realized I’d had a dip in my lip all day. I even fell asleep with it in. A co-worker made a passing comment about how much I was dipping, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I wasn’t just using nicotine—I was letting it define me. That was the moment I knew I had to change. I went cold turkey that day. No more dip, no more Zyn, no more vaping. Just me, facing the beast head-on.

Those first 45 days were brutal. The cravings, the irritability, the fog—it felt like I was climbing a mountain with no end in sight. My wife, bless her heart, bore the brunt of my cold turkey withdrawal. The mood swings, the short temper—she didn’t ask for any of this, but she stood by me, even as I struggled to get past the 100-day mark and beyond. Her strength kept me going when I wanted to give up. Then I found my lifeline: a community called Kill The Can. They welcomed me, supported me, and reminded me I wasn’t alone. I don’t know how I made it that far without them, and even now, every day is a battle. But I’ve learned to take it one day at a time.  My routine is simple: I wake up, I post in the group for accountability, and, well, then I piss—because hydration is key when you’re detoxing from nicotine!

Through this journey, one piece of advice has stuck with me, and I want to share it with you: Your problems will still be there after you put that dip in, take that puff, or pop that pouch. Nicotine doesn’t solve anything. It doesn’t make stress go away or fix your bad days. It just adds chains to your life, weighing you down and stealing your freedom.

I’m still fighting this battle, every single day. Some mornings, the cravings still whisper, tempting me to slip back. But I think of my daughter, her tiny hand in mine, and my wife, who carried me through the worst of it. I think of the man I want to be—not the guy with a dip in his lip, but someone free, someone present. I’m not perfect, and I don’t have all the answers. But I’m here, nicotine-free, because I chose to take back my life. That choice started on June 26, when I looked in the mirror and said, “Enough.” I don’t know when your moment will come, but when it does, you’ll know. And when you take that first step, you won’t be alone. You’ll be choosing you.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org member Honeybadger26