When I finally stopped being a lurker I started at KTC with a very long introduction over here.
It was important to tell that story then and I sincerely hope it pops up someday when someone sits down to google a collection of terms like “anxiety, dizziness, fatigue” and that when it does the searcher will be affected the same way I was when I learned that I was not alone.
Let’s face it, I was stuck in an ugly downward spiral and I was originally motivated to quit by sheer exhaustion and by what I perceived to be the “end of the road” rushing at me at an alarming rate. I was lying to everyone and fooling no one. I was never calm never satisfied never happy. I quit and spent the first seventy days or so lurking here reading everything I could find but afraid to join and maybe fail in front of others working so hard to quit.
I am an addict and good people here now know that I am an addict. PMILS knows I am an addict and FISHFLORIDA knows I am an addict and RDB1972 knows I am an addict and GDubya knows it and jswiss11 knows it and so does Bert75 and KillTheCamel and pky1520 and dbh68stang and Mike1966 and mb289 and CavMan83 and Armydan13 and sooverit. Holy shit all of these people who took the time to reach out and why? Well to quote one of these fellows:
“Then a monster fuckitall crave will smack you silly all out of nowhere (for me it was day 138) and the promise you made early in the morning is the only thing that stands between you and a cave. And you power through it, because you made that promise to a bunch of strangers. Strangers that are truly sad and more than a little pissed off when a brother caves.”
Made that promise to a bunch of strangers … hell yeah!
And that is how this quit is going to stick. Being addicted is lonely but healing here is collaborative. I came in late and was welcomed immediately. I plan to stay for a long time. I understand that being involved helps others and strengthens my quit.
After 100 days I am different. The healing is very slow. I did not expect to feel like my old self again after 100 days and I still do not. BUT … BUT I am moving in that direction. Quitting is the best decision. Cold turkey is the only way. And it only worked this time because I wanted the quit. We will see at 200 and 300 days where the healing process has taken me. Maybe by then I will be able to drink a cup of coffee without feeling like I am going to jump out of my skin :).
Finally thank you Richard K. because I am pretty sure it is you that spends so much of your time writing for the quit group each day. On the quit train and so happy to have a seat!!!! I can not tell you how much your time investment means to me and I am truly thankful to you.