You and I have had a very intimate relationship for 33+ years. At the beginning I enjoyed your effect on me. When things were tense I relied on you. Over the years I came to depend on you quite heavily and you have been in my life at almost every waking moment. I spend more time with you than I do with my wife and children. In fact, I have come to rely on you so much that I almost can’t live my life without you. You have become like a parasitic vine that grows on a mighty oak tree. You start out as a seed that sprouts into a small, seemingly inconsequential plant on the oak’s sturdy frame. Slowly though, before the small plant is removed, your tentacles spread up the trunk, occupying all the little nooks and crannies of the tree’s armor you can find. You climb up every limb, onto every branch, strangling the life out of the great tree.
I am now writing this letter to inform you that I am breaking off our relationship. Today, October 10th 2009, is the last day that you and I will have anything to do with each other. It is time that I strip your strangulating vine out of my life for good. It is essential for my well being and survival. I know it will take a while for me to rid myself of you, for you have infiltrated my whole being; all my thoughts, my actions, my entire psyche, but I am done with you and will vigilantly exterminate you. A day at a time I will extract the tentacles that you have so covertly placed. A day at a time your grip will slowly dissolve and disentangle from my brain and my soul. I know I shall always be susceptible to your influence, but each day is new and I know that each day without your presence is better than the previous day.
So, goodbye forever and may you not farewell.
Well here it is—day 100. I’ve had good days on this journey and I’ve had days that have taken me to, what has seemed to be, the edge of my sanity. I’m not sure exactly why, but these last 10 days or so have been some of the most trying. I have felt depressed and my wife has commented several times about my “glass half empty” attitude, although I felt I’ve just been calling things like I see them, and the thought of a dip making everything alright might be the answer. Perhaps its been the fear of success and almost feeling like I don’t deserve to have control of my life. Well, thats bullshit, but thats the kind of mind games the nic bitch can play on a guy.
And so, I have persevered. I, like most everyone else on this site have been down the attempt to quit road more than once and for what ever reason had given up. But not this time, not ever again will I put any of that cancer causing, mind controlling dog shit in my lip.
What’s the difference between this quit and previous “attempts”? It is because the others were exactly that, “attempts”. This time it is a quit and I know I will never look back. Failure is not an option.
So now that I’ve reached 100 days it’s like a huge burden has been lifted and I no longer fear success. I have wrestled control of my life back from the demon nicotine and it feels great!!! I will drink up this jubilation I feel and I will definitely celebrate with my family because it is indeed cause for celebration, but I must always remain vigilant because there is always danger at the door and I am and always will be an addict. Thankfully, I have the tools I need in order to be successful.
Instrumental in my quit, KTC has been and will continue to be the brotherhood (and sisters) of quit. I’ve always said I have a lot to prove to mostly myself, but the fact is that there are a whole lot of other people to answer to, and by posting roll every day and participating in this group, I have made myself accountable. This is the place where you get all your questions and concerns addressed honestly and without reservation by veteran quitters of all different backgrounds and at all different levels of quit.
So, if you are just visiting this site and contemplating a quit, I urge you to make a firm resolve to yourself, get your mind right, and get your quit on. It may be the hardest thing you ever do for yourself, but it will be, by far, the best thing you can possibly do for yourself at this time in your life. Be free.