A Decent Start… 100 Days in the Fire

“Hall of fame” seems like a stretch when describing my accomplishment here. But I know people on this site understand that it is quite an accomplishment… worthy of being a hall of famer among a group of raging tobacco junkies. Seeing how many people posted early on in the July group, and seeing who remains, who we lost. There’s a “cyber” brotherhood here because I literally have said things to myself like… TCOPE, Bigbamadan, eshippee, spiralhoney, jjsnake, I can’t let these guys down today. Sounds kind of funny, having never met them, but I truly believe it is the deciding factor. As addicts we can eventually talk ourselves out of quitting just for ourselves. If we’re alone in it, I assume the quit would fail pretty quickly in my case. I can’t say for sure because honestly, during 16 years of Kodiak use, I never considered quitting. The nic-bitch was powerful enough to convince me of: “Dude, don’t even try to quit, you never will. Try to build a healthy lifestyle around dipping, because you will do this all day… forever.” This was the first time. I just stopped. On day 2, found this site and here I am. After the 100 day mark has been interesting, I know I’m not caving, or buying a can or even considering it. But the nic-bitch will sneak up and give you that feeling like you’re best friend died. That emptiness feeling. What will become of me without dipping? It is so completely insane, and somewhat fascinating. I haven’t enjoyed a dip in 10 years, I hated it every time. Then 20 minutes later I couldn’t wait to have it. This 100+ days has let me evaluate what was actually happening to me during this addiction. I’m armed and ready. I have control of my own mind again. And I will not slip up. Like I said, I hated dipping. I was embarrassed, I was hiding it, I was getting caught with it, I was buying 3 cans at a time, I was doing it all day and night, and barely even realizing it. It was a sad ass sight. I don’t do it anymore… it’s an amazing feeling. I’m not going back. I’ll post everyday on here, it works… why fuck with it? Thanks to all – Joe (KillerBear) July 2010 crew

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member KillerBear