I chewed for about 30 years and I’m one of the lucky ones. I’m still around to tell my story. I started chewing when I was playing rugby in college and doing construction in the summers. Never smoked. Hated it then and hate it now. Dip and I were on again-off again in the early years but for the last 20 years – until I finally decided to break it off for good – we were together from the time I woke up until I went to bed. In court, with clients, biking, skiing, with my family – even eating (most of the time). I toyed with quitting many times but she teased me back – letting me think I was in control and giving me my freedom for a few months.
But then she would find a way back into my lip and our relationship would continue as if we had never been apart. Somehow, I got married in spite of her but my wife and kids didn’t want her around. I left her for a while but couldn’t be apart from her for long and started to see her on the side. I got caught but it didn’t matter. Shouldn’t surprise anyone that my feelings were more important than my family’s. I needed her and wasn’t ready to give her up.
One day I started talking to a guy while I was skiing in June 2007 – looking out over the Cascade range on a beautiful day. He said he’d dipped for a long time but finally quit on his 50th birthday and he hadn’t chewed for over 3 years. Sounded like a good idea so I decided to do the same. Didn’t worry about it. Didn’t really think about it. Just did it on August 24, 2007, the day after my 50th birthday.
I threw away my Cope tins when I’d find them and found this site that day. It hasn’t been easy but I’m completely committed. When you’re committed their aren’t any other options. It’s really that simple. It’s hard but so what? There. are. no. other. options.
She still takes every opportunity she can to let me know she’ll be around until the day I die but I’m not giving in to her. I don’t hate her and I’m not going to pretend I do. I’m not even really mad at her. No point in it. I’m mad at myself for falling for her in the first place and riding that roller coaster. I’d always known that she’d kill me if she had the chance but I was willing to risk it all for those few good times when I thought she really came through for me. I still love her and I will until the end – but I’m done with her now.
I appreciate the support of the quitters in here. The most important and valuable component of this site is the daily roll. A promise to myself, family and others that I’m not chewing that day. It’s about the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning. It works. Some will form close friendships on here, some won’t. The people in here will become like family to some; others could care less. It doesn’t matter. Just start day one and keep going.
Either way – post roll and listen to the vets. Someone in here has gone through what you’re going through and made it to the other side. Let them help.