2012 HOF Speeches

There Is Quitting and Then There’s Quitting

Tanawei avatarIn my intro, I described the reason for my quit. Some of this is a repeat.

I was not a closet dipper. I dipped since I was a kid. I did it in meetings. I did it at home. I did it on the plane. I did not care who knew, my habit was legal. That is not why I quit.

My kids gave me grief. My wife gave me grief. I did not quit to make them happy.

My mother (smoker) had oral cancer twice and has had most of her jaw bone removed. My Dad (smoker) died of esophageal cancer. If a predisposition to cancer is genetic, I am toast. I did not quit because I was afraid of cancer.

It sucked that Copenhagen was over $5.00 a can. I dipped just over a can a day. That was an expensive habit. I did not quit because of the cost.

I quit because for over 30 years, in each and every thing I did; I had to make a space for copenhagen. Every vacation, each work day, each holiday with family, each weekend; at all times I had to calculate how much Copenhagen I had and how much I would need.

I quit because as an adult human being, I could not reconcile the fact that I could not control my emotions without nicotine. That is the most ridiculous asinine belief ever and I believed it for at least the last twenty years. How weak was I mentally?!?!?! Either I am responsible for myself or I am not. I chose to be responsible.

I quit because I was reading Mark 10:17-27. The rich young ruler who would not walk away from his wealth and follow Jesus. I thought, how silly; until I imagined if he asked me to walk away from Copenhagen. While I do not personally believe that dipping Copenhagen is a sin, it bothered me that Jesus could ask me anything and I would hesitate.

I quit because I despise being selfish. At the end of the day, I would have refused all request to quit because of my selfish desire to satisfy my own craving. I could talk as if God and others were important to me, but I could not walk the walk.

At any rate, for 100 days I have said no to my brain, no to my body, no to my friends, NO TO NICOTINE. It is simply a decision that each of us must make. The difference in this quit and all my others is this site for sure and just the simple decision each day (through posting role) to promise to quit. It is not magical. Even after 100, you still have triggers. It is easier to say no to those triggers for sure, but you will feel the tug. It does get better.

I did not plan my quit. I did not make any great preparations. I just decided on Sunday, August 19, 2012 to cut that part of my life out. I decided I would control my life. I decided that my love for my God and my love for family would be the most important thing to me. I decided to let go of that selfish part of me. I am not looking back, but moving forward.

Thanks to so many of you on this site. Some of you I interacted with and you provided so much help, but many of you significantly impacted my quit by sharing your thoughts, struggles and jokes. Keep sharing. To those of you on the bubble, all you have to do is decide.

On to 200!!

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Tanawei

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