100 days down of a life long commitment
“No one likes a quitter”, my parents always told me growing up. I have for 25 years now believed that statement in everything I have ever done, until now.
Exactly 100 days ago I was on my way back from running my last golf tournament of the season. As I’m sure most of you did, I loved throwing in a big fatty while driving, especially on long road trips. Without hesitation I threw one in and dug around for one of the 15 bottles I had in my back floorboard. Music was loud, windows were down….life was good. It was at this very moment I truly believe that God shook me to the core. I found myself starring at my reflection in the rear view mirror….fat lip and all. I found myself disgusted at the fact that this shit….this cancer causing, teeth rotting, gum decaying…..shit was running my life. I felt ashamed at the fact that my happiness was dependant on the contents of a tin can that was sitting on my passenger seat. I spit my dip out.
My story is nothing in comparison to a lot of my brothers here. I didn’t start dipping until 18, my freshman year of college, when I was introduced to it as a way to stay up and study for finals, but like a lot of you….the nic bitch grabbed ahold of me with the very first taste. I didn’t have to hide it. My girlfriend at the time had grown up around it her whole life and even enjoyed the smell of it. I was playing collegiate golf…so most everyone on the team was using while on the golf course…it was considered our “birdie juice”. My mom even found out about it, and even though she was upset….what could she do… I was no longer living in her house. I say all that to state I had no boundaries with it. I never once thought about quitting. Sure, I knew it was bad for me…I knew it caused cancer…. but for me there was always an excuse. “Don’t worry about it Carter, your still young… you’ve only been dipping for a short time…. you don’t have to worry about anything until your older.”
So here I am, 25 years old, looking at myself in my rear view mirror….completely and utterly disgusted. I remember I turned off the radio. I had a heart to heart with God…and made a promise to him…that I was forever quit. I returned home 3 hours later and immediately got rid of all my stashes. They were gone….it was done. The first week sucked. I didn’t know how to react. I was a complete asshole at work, I couldn’t sleep, I had headaches, and blah blah blah….you guys know the drill. There were several occasions where I thought I might cave….but every time I was close… I remembered the promise I made…and I got through it. Several weeks went by…and I was up and down. Some days were good, some days were pure hell…. but I was determined not to cave.
Day 30 of my quit – The day I will remember forever. I was at work wasting time on my computer when I decided to look around for some quit tobacco resources. I landed here. I spent an hour or so just looking around the site…gathering info and knowledge that I knew would help me stay quit….and then… I saw a Live Chat Link. From the very beginning of me logging into that chat… my life was completely changed. I was welcomed with open arms by everyone there. They couldn’t believe that I had gotten to day 30 by myself….but were also so quick to tell me not to loosen up….that the war had not been won. I logged in everyday….learned how to post roll…met all of you unbelievable quitters….and found a family in people from all walks of life. I cannot begin to express my gratitude to everyone here. Whether it be kicking me in the ass helping me get through the fog on certain days…to making extremely gay conversation EVERYDAY… to seeing how vets welcomed new quitters and showed them the ropes… you guys and gals are simply amazing!
While I could spend hours thanking everyone for what they have done for me… I do want to recognize a few that have made a special dent in my quit.
First and foremost Loot. He was the very first one to say HI on my first day on chat. He showed me how to post roll….and really made me feel welcomed.
Theo, BBJ, CJ – I remember you guys being there early on too…and I thank you for all your help.
Monty – I appreciate all the laughs. Still waiting for you to hook me up on Craigslist!
Timmay – I think I have been added into the GL by you more times than anyone! Thanks for always reminding me of my extremely gay comments!
Sluggo, kd4jet, Redtrain– a few great men! Always checking in on me to see how im doing.
Kiddo – have truly enjoyed talking with ya…and Im still waiting for those handcuffs!
Mike1228 – “ My late night brother” – okay wow that sounds bad…. But I guess that’s typical!! It can be 3 in the morning…. And Mike’s gonna be there for laughs!
Jwendell – thanks for all your support… always be a Jan quit brother
And even some new quitters!
Hoss and squeaky – great job you men are doing! Keep it up…you ever need anything let me know!
Bengalsgirl – thanks for being my new gf! And thank you for giving me the inspiration to create our entire “relationship” via emoticons!
Fizzle – Thanks for always being there for me…even in my thickest of fogs. You truly have been an amazing friend and I cant thank you enough for that. I’m so proud of you and your quit… and I know the HOF is just around the corner for you! (Your pez dispensers are on the way!) lol
I know I am leaving so many people out who have helped me in some way or another and for that I apologize. I want to finish by saying…to all you HOF’ers…. Look out… Bigpapa’s in da house now! You guys have been an inspiration from the beginning and I look forward to learning so much more from all of you. To those who are almost to the HOF. Be proud of yourself…first and foremost… you have accomplished something great… and I will be waiting for you on the train…screaming out “all aboard”! Lastly, to the new quitters…. Keep your heads up… keep your fight strong… we all believe in you here…and are willing to help you in any way we can. Its not easy… it never will be… but Im here to tell you that it can be beat. Your life will drastically change for the better, and I guarantee you will become thankful of the day you finally decided ….”to stay quit!”
1/18/2009 – I remember the day I learned about the HOF. It was day 34….and 100 seemed an eternity away, but here I am… sitting at my computer 66 days later, having been a HOF’er for an hour and nineteen minutes and proud to say that what my parents always taught me, “No one likes a quitter”, is not always the case!
Carter – Bigpapa2483