A little more than 100 days ago my world suddenly stopped. I woke up one morning and felt something different inside my mouth. I went to the mirror and honestly was scared to look inside my mouth. I got up the courage and pulled my lip down. I saw a spot that freaked me out. I was freaking out but still wanted to put another “killer” dip in.I went outside with my dogs before going to work and actually put a fucking dip in. Then it hit me, I opened the can back up and threw it across the yard. I left to go to work and stopped by the dentist. They tried to comfort me saying it was just a canker sore. I then went to an oral surgeon, same story.
For some reason neither one of them made me feel any better. The only thing in my mind was “what have I done”, “I want to live longer to be with my wife and son”. At one point I started crying thinking about my 5-year-old son. I came home that afternoon and started searching. I found this site on day 3 and signed up. A few on here hit me up real quick, Greg5280, MikeA, redyota, CoachDoc and instigator to name a few. There were many more “vets” in my corner so don’t get your panties in a wad if I forgot to mention you. A big thanks to them for telling me how bad the suck was going to be.
Less than 30 days into my quit I received a call from a friend. He told me our friend just committed suicide. I can tell you that totally screwed me up. This guy was a few years younger than me. My best friend and I helped raise this guy. His parents were not really around so we took up a lot of time with him. We taught him how to play sports, hunt, chase girls, blah blah blah. I SHOULD have called a quit brother right then for help. I came very close to going and ruining my quit because of this. Somehow I finally woke up and came to the conclusion that would be the second dumbest thing I had ever done. First being taking the original dip. Here I am fighting to stay quit to stay alive and my buddy did himself in. One good thing came from this. While talking to my best friend that night I mentioned that I had quit. A few days later at the funeral home my best friend came up to me and said he had not had a dip since I told him I quit. He is still quit!
R.I.P. my buddy. Hopefully I will not get to see you for a long time.
Fast forward. I was not very involved on the site. I would post roll. Every now and then I would jump on chat. Then I watched our group leader cave, then I watched another brother cave and it really sucked. I am trying to get on here more often. I know it will help me and maybe I can help another.
I dipped Kodiak for 18 years. I have no clue why. I guess I wanted to kill myself. I am so glad my wife, my son, my life became important to me. I do want to live and be a better man, husband, father and friend.
If you are reading this contemplating what to do, QUIT for yourself. Do anything you can do to keep that shit out of your mouth. You think it’s ok, you say you can quit at anytime. I say Bullshit. Every vet as well as caver on here knows the truth.
YOU ARE ADDICTED TO THE NIC BITCH. Kick her ass to the side while you can.
Sign Up, introduce yourself, post roll and keep your fucking word…….I will NOT dip today.