I have never been at a loss for words. My friends, co-workers, family..they all tell me that I have the gift. Call it the gift of gab, verbal judo or whatever..but I’ve got it. I can de-escalate just about any situation with speech. But when it comes to putting words on paper; I’m not so eloquent. Here goes…
Rewind to maybe 1982: **Hot summer day*** 11 years old — Had my first “pinch” out of a Beechnut pouch at the family farm. Snuck it in when Gramps wasn’t looking. Sound familiar?
My head spun for 2 hours. I puked at least once. My Grandmother, (no it was not hers) told me, “so, how’d that work out?” Good old nanny could spin anything into a humorous event. But I didn’t learn. Tobaccy was trying to tell me, “beat it son, you don’t want a part of this.” But I kept coming back. Sound familiar?
You all know the story from here. Me personally, I kept trying to become a nicotine addict for about 10 years. And it worked! From smoking, to dipping I did it all.
I had always loved outside “hands on” work, so when my jobs ranged from landscaping, to trucking, to logging, to finally police work…dip and tobacco fit right in. I wasn’t cooped up in an office. If people saw me dipping it wasn’t even frowned upon. My friends dipped. I was photographed with huge wads of goddamed cancer in my face.
For me, it was a very social addiction..at first. What goes better with beer than smokes? Lets dip while we cut wood? Long Trip? Let’s dip!
Then it becomes like every other fucked up skid row bum steal from your family stereotype addiction out there. Worse than heroin and cocaine they tell me. For me it was that bad. I couldn’t function without that tin in my pocket. Addiction is a huge mind fuck. Secret meetings in the bathroom. Or, 30 minute trips for milk and eggs. mmmmmm dip time. I was a hot mess for many years.
I swear to whatever you hold holy… If I hadn’t googled “quit dipping” back in early Feb 2010, I’d be getting my jaw lopped off one day. I watched nicotine kill my family and friends and I was a fucking douche bag who kept using.
My wife and kids know I quit, I told them at about week 5. See I had quit before only to come back with a vengeance. I did not want to disappoint them again… But now I know that I don’t want to disappoint myself and be that guy.
I will continue to live my life, work, play, watch my kids grow up, fish, mountain climb, bowl, drink…WITHOUT NICOTINE! KTC did that for me. The tools are right here. WAKE UP, POST ROLL, LIVE LIFE.
If anyone is reading this THINKING about quitting, all I can say is YOU FUCKING CAN.
With all due respect, thanks to TCope and RicDic. I shot them a couple of PM’s and they helped. Thanks for having me MAY 2010.