While reflecting on my quit, and deciding how to go about sharing my thoughts on it, I can’t help but focus on the ever so common beginning of my quit. Like many others who have come before me, and those who will continue to join the ranks here at KTC each day, I stumbled onto this website from a google search on the last day I ever stuffed my face with poison. Prior to discovering this community, there had been countless “attempts” including weaning myself off of nic bitch’s teet, blown through scheduled quit dates, replacing my preferred method of poison delivery to equally fucked up methods as a lip full of poison, etc, etc.
So what made this time different? How am I now 169 days quit when during the previous 5,000+ days of my life I can count the nicotine free days on one hand, all of which came when I was basically unconscious? Nothing was fundamentally different about that day than all of those previous attempts. I wanted to quit just as bad 2 years ago as I did 169 days ago, but I didn’t know how. When I was searching the internet that night, looking for what I can only assume that my mind was hoping was some magic little pill, I found exactly what I was looking for. That was the strength to quit offered through brotherhood and accountability on this site. I didn’t know it at the time, but by simply putting my name on that list next to a number of others going through the exact same shit as me, I saved my life. I had broken that promise to myself so many fucking times in the past I didn’t take my own word seriously anymore. Making that promise to a bunch of strangers (brothers) equated to the tiny little shove (accountability) that I needed to finally back take control of myself and my life.
Prior to the accountability offered by my brothers, I believed that I could let myself down and just get pissed at myself for being a pussy for a couple days until I fell back into my ways of putting quitting off for another day, but this time was different. I had joined a brotherhood of bad ass quitters who were all ready to fight this addiction together, and we had finally turned the odds in our favor. I had never in my adult life had the level of clarity afforded to me once I got through the fog. I had finally come to understand that I/we are all addicts, and that we must continue to band together and take the fight to the nic bitch each and every day. I understood the bonds that nicotine had over me and I finally realized what freedom was.
The growth I have made as a person since I set myself free from nicotine slavery, is 100% a result of this community and the hard work put in by my brothers and me. There are so many people that helped me in those early days and have continued to strengthen my quit every day since. I am damn proud to be a quitter, and I am damn proud to quit alongside each of you every day, and I challenge anyone who is reading this that may be questioning their ability to quit to join this brotherhood. I challenge you to stand with us, and you too can earn control of your life back.
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member basshaug