2008 HOF Speeches

The Valley of the Shadow Of Death

PintoBean avatarHow I became a Dipper is of no importance, suffice to say, it was much like all of you, peer pressure. The fact is I am one.

Sadly I know better, for those of you who may not know it I am a funeral director and embalmer. My profession has allowed me to have the honor of helping literally thousands of families through the worst experience of their lives.

Many times death is brought on by ignorance. Actions no one sees as a deadly act or at least the percentages of this act resulting in death are low, for example, Motorcycles or as they are called in our industry, “Murder” cycles (Very high mortality rate), swimming into your own boat prop (doesn’t happen often but the results are predictable), having an illicit affair with a motorcycle gang leader’s Bitch (I’m pretty sure this means his “wife” but it is a deadly practice none the less) OK, you get it, there are many varied ways to die but in almost all cases death was not planned. Did you notice I said in “almost” all cases, death is not planned?

Suicide is the conscious effort on the part of a person to end his or her life. I never understood this one. I would make comments like, “what a shame”, “If they could only see what they have done” and my favorite, “what a dumb ass, a permanent solution to a temporary problem”. I always think that these people are the most selfish on the planet. If they could only see the unlimited pain they bring on everyone in their lives.

And after years of denial it all became crystal clear. I’M COMMITING SUICIDE. Its like a perverted version of that Jimmy Stewart movie where he wishes he had never been born and an angel shows him what it would be like if his wish came true. I see what my family would go through if I commit dip-icide!!! I see it!! I see it!! I see it!!

Yet it took seventeen years and a bunch of strange S.O.B.s (sorry ladies, D.O.B.s too) to finally quit. Now that its behind me I feel like I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death and came out a new, stronger person.

I make this PROMISE to all of you, my family and most importantly to myself , I will not commit suicide. I will not allow apathy or ignorance to ruin the lives of those around me by my need to put poison in my mouth.

Special thanks to; Chewie, Loot, Rem and Aqua and that’s just for BFF and Random Celebs! But to all of you guys, Golfin, ODT, WWB, Lee,d, Wiggles, the girls, Jarsmom and mylittlesecret by the way, I never thought dippers could be so pretty (yes loot, I mean you) and anyone else who encouraged me to follow your lead.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member PintoBean

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