2009 HOF Speeches

What the Hell is a Normapig?

normapig avatarnormapig is the name that I use when a site requires a user name and I do not plan on being around that site for long. I found KTC while looking for info on how long it takes for nicotine to get out of your system. I needed a clean piss test so that I didn’t have to pay a tobacco user’s rate on the life insurance policy that I had applied for.

I was a chewer. People that chew for as long as I did, do not just quit. I was 43 years old. I had been chewing Copenhagen for over 25 years. I couldn’t just quit. I didn’t want to quit. I just wanted some answers on getting the nicotine out of my system. Obviously, I knew that I was going to have to stop for a few days, but quit — HELL NO.

Then I started reading this site. I could not believe how many people’s stories I could relate to. People HAD chewed for as long as I had and they HAD quit. I thought ‘maybe I should just quit.’ I had read a lot of the HOF speeches and it seemed like everybody was pretty happy with their decisions to quit. Yeah, I was gonna give this quit thing some serious thought.

I remember quitting back in college for a while and I didn’t remember it being that difficult, so I decided that I’d give this quit thing a shot. After several unpleasant hours, I was introduced to a nasty little whore that I had been reading about–that’s right–the nic bitch. She lined me up and kicked me square in my fucking nut sack. I popped in a chew and the unpleasantness was gone, but I was pissed.

I was pissed because when I popped in that chew I realized, for the first time in my life, that I was not a chewer. I was addicted to nicotine. I was a drug addict. I was pissed because I finally realized that I chewed, not because I wanted to, but because I had to. I was pissed because now I realized that I was more than just good at hiding my little habit from my wife, I was a fucking liar. I was pissed because I was trying to save a few hundred dollars on a life insurance policy when I realized, for years, I had been giving thousands of dollars to the piece-of-shit company that makes this piece-of-shit addiction-in-a-can. I was pissed then and I am still pissed.

I knew then, that I had to quit. And more importantly, I wanted to quit. My body was going to go through hell for a while. I had to get the poison out and it was going to take some time for my brain to rewire itself to function without nicotine after years of abuse. I thought ‘how the hell am I going to do that behind my wife’s back?’ Isn’t it ironic? I had no problem chewing behind her back for years, but I had to ‘fess up to be able to quit in front of her.

I will never forget the look on her face when I was trying to tell her. I never want to see that look again. She could sense that I was very serious about what I wanted to talk to her about. I asked her if she remembered when I told her that I used to chew in high school and college when I played baseball. She did. I asked her if she remembered when I told her that I would have a chew “every once in a while” when I played golf w/my buddies (she found a can, I had to tell her something). She did. I had my lap-top out with “What To Expect When Quitting Dip” up on the screen. She did not want to look at it. She was scared, she was crying, she just wanted me to tell her. She didn’t know that I was trying to tell her about my dirty little habit and my decision to quit. She thought that I was trying to tell her that I had mouth cancer. After going through that, even though the hard work had not even started yet, I knew I was quit.

This site is an incredible resource. Thank you to everyone responsible for maintaining it and thanks to those who participate regularly. And thanks to the Shamfuckinrockin March ’09 quitters. It has been and will continue to be a pleasure quitting w/you folks. I did not say a lot, but I read a ton.

Thanks for reading,

P.S. – A special thanks to FranPro for the info on the Day 14 “all-over mind and body fuck”. That’s the only way that I know how to describe what happened to me on my Day 13. Thanks for the head’s up. If I wasn’t prepared, that could have been a quit breaker.

BTW – A buddy of mine had a dog named Norma Jean. His wife was a Marilyn Monroe fan. We used to call her Norma Pig. The dog, not the wife.

BTW again – It took about six days to come up w/a clean cotinine test (that’s what the insurance co. tests for) so you might as well just stay quit.

Now I am done.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member normapig

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