My Journey – From Day 1 To One Year

My Journey

Day 1:
It started with cravings that hit like a freight train. I wanted a dip more than anything. I felt irritated, restless, and honestly didn’t even know what to do with myself without it. I thought, “How bad could this really get?”

Day 2–3:
By the second day, my mind was racing, trying to make sense of what the hell was happening.
By day three, the anxiety and withdrawal symptoms weren’t creeping in anymore — they were in full force. My skin crawled, my thoughts were loud, and sleep was a joke.

Day 25:
The physical withdrawals were mostly fading out — but then the real battle started. The mental war. I was surrounded by family who could clearly see something was off. I tried to keep it together, but my mind was shattered. I’d wake up in the middle of the night panicking about death — at 33 years old. Who does that? That’s when I realized how deep this addiction had its claws in me.

Eighteen years of using something that literally stunk, wrecked opportunities, ruined peace of mind — and I still chose dip over food sometimes. That’s how strong the grip was.

Day 50:
Still having panic attacks. I started taking Wellbutrin — it didn’t fix everything, but it dulled the sharp edges of the pain and consequences from years of bad decisions. I was calmer, but I didn’t feel like myself.

Day 75:
The anxiety didn’t just disappear. I started tapering off Wellbutrin — not sure if it was the right move, but my doctor and I agreed that the irritability and mental haze weren’t helping. The panic attacks were gone, but now it was a different kind of mental storm — fog, mood swings, emotional exhaustion.

Day 100:
Finally, something shifted. My mental health wasn’t perfect, but it was better. There were reasons to celebrate — one of the first major hurdles was behind me. I could see a small light at the end of the tunnel.

Day 150–200:
This is when I found a game changer: working out. Exercise helped my anxiety and depression more than I expected. Eating better, moving my body — life actually started to improve. It didn’t fix everything, but it gave me control over something again.

Day 200–365:
I stayed consistent. Gym 4–7 times a week. Cleaner food. Better habits. The cravings still hit sometimes, that sly little voice saying, “Just one.” But I know better now. I’ll never be dumb enough to go back to something that almost destroyed me.

Yeah, I still pay the price mentally once in a while — anxiety, dark thoughts — but life is 1000% better than it was on day 1. The damage is healing. My body is finally recovering. I’m not actively killing myself anymore.

⸻

To Anyone on Day 1…

Day 1 sucks. It’s chaos. It’s fear. It’s craving and doubt.
But give it time — 30 days, 100 days, a year — and you’ll have your own battle story to tell. One that proves to the next guy that he can survive this too.

You’re not alone. Keep going.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org member Parkey308