2011 HOF Speeches

Independence Day – Perspective From a True Dipaholic

KSARMOR avatarI never, ever thought I would be here. Today marked my 108th day dip free. The date was July 4th, 2011, my personal Independence Day. For the first time in nearly twenty years I went one full day without thinking about dip. If I did, I honestly don’t remember doing so. I can promise you that 108 days ago I could not imagine a day without at least thinking about a dip. 108 days ago I would have told you that it was impossible and that I was a dipaholic. That was until I found this site and committed with my brothers to QUIT.

For nearly twenty years I spent every day figuring out how to navigate my day and life around dip. I was a closet dipper around most. I hid it like a master from everyone. My wife and family and friends knew about it but only saw it when I was drinking or hunting or perhaps in the evenings. It was my girlfriend, my buddy, my child, my hobby, my passion, my relaxation, my anger, my happiness and my obsession. I patterned my entire life, often unknowingly, around dip. Every time I was away from people was an opportunity to dip. So, over time I found reasons to be away from my family, friends, work and everything so that I could be alone with my dip. I knew it was killing me but my addiction was stronger than the truth. I often called it by name when I spit it in the toilet late at night, I called it the “black death”. I knew what it was doing to me but it didn’t matter.

I had quit 1000 times before my real QUIT. I would cut back or even quit for a couple of days but I would make find an excuse to start again. My addiction was as real as any person and had complete control over me. I was a slave to the stuff and would climb a mountain to get a can for a damned buzz that lasted a few seconds and an addiction that lasted 20 years. Make no mistake, you don’t enjoy it, you have to have it. If you are reading this you are an addict and you need to quit today. And you will if you join your brothers today on this site.

I planned my life around dip. I planned for dipping first and everything else was simply what I did while dipping. Hunting, mowing, watching tv, relaxing, driving, you name it, I lived to dip. If my wife asked about vacation my first thought was the dip. How were her plans going to effect my opportunity to dip? I was pityful.

The first few weeks was hell. The overwhelming physical and emotional withdrawal was overwhelming. After the first few weeks I would have good days and bad days. The site talks about “What to Expect” and its relatively accurate but everyone is different. But make no mistake, it’s wasn’t easy for me until around day 90. I once read that it takes around 8 to 12 weeks for your mind to rewire itself. Then, something amazing happens around 8 to 12 weeks, the cravings start to “discharge” like a battery going down. It’s not instant but you can feel it quickly leaving the body and the mind. Of course, I know I have a lifetime of quit ahead of me, but its different than your quit today. My quit is power and my quit is a decision. It is no longer an obsession. I know that I can live my life happily and proudly and healthy without being a slave to the can. It nearly robbed me of my family to be honest. I only hope that I can salvage what is left. But, I will do it without being a slave to dip.

Know these things and stay strong…You can do it because others have done it who were just as addicted as you. It will be the hardest thing you have ever done for an extended period of time and will likely be one of the most rewarding once you have accomplished it. It not only gets better, it gets much, much better. There is a reason that HOF is 100 days and not ninety. I didn’t hit my Independence Day until 108 days. Your life will be fuller and happier without dip than with it. You will be able to enjoy the things you liked to do while you dipped without dip. You will enjoy them more and feel better mentally and physically. You need to listen to your PMs and read and post. You need to make contact with your brothers early and have someone to talk to you when you have bad times. I didn’t do that enough and it makes your quit harder. Don’t get drunk and stay away from alcohol if you can for the first couple months. Drinking turned me into a dip maniac and I would suggest finding something else to do if you liked to dip and drink like I did. Your quit will be over in the blink of an eye. The truth is that time will stand still the first few weeks and slowly speed up until it is flying by 100 days from today. Freedom isn’t free but it is worth the sacrifice. Feel free to email me if you need to talk. It is now time for me to pay it forward. Ksarmor (Ken)

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member KSARMOR

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