Isn’t It Really Like a Bad Relationship?

plasmatrout avatarCan I remember where it all started. Yeah, I can.

The summer routine in my backwoods ass town I grew up in was essentially the same, we would go to “Pick A Flick” (no I’m not making this up), get some cheesy movies and watch em. Be bored. Maybe go in the woods and shoot bb guns at each other. Get some friends together and play ball on the high school baseball field. We would even walk to Florida Fried Chicken and get some tater wedges. Later in life, literally driving around in the woods was an activity we did and asked each other if we wanted to do for fun. Yeah, I know. Not making excuses….just sayin.

I was 13, over at a friend’s house watching some cheesy ass 80’s action flicks (either Commando or Lion Heart), and he breaks out a can of Skoal Long Cut Classic. Now I’m not going to lie, and for anyone that has tried it, that stuff is nasty even to cope addicts like myself. But it started the ball rolling. I tried this one and that one and over time mint and straight became popular. I would dip whenever I found someone who had a can. She became a random friend at this point and we would just kind of bump into each other casually.

Now in backwoods ass Florida, Dixie County to be specific (look it up, it really exists), no-one cards you for anything. So buying dip at 14 was easy. Hell buying beer at 16 was easy, but that’s another story. I can honestly say the day it all changed though was when I started buying it. Gathering the courage to walk in and ask for a can, and then pay for it changed everything. After that, it became easy, she could get it whenever she wanted; now all she needed was money. She became a friend that only came around when the stuff was there.

I got a job at “Piggly Wiggly” right after I turned 16 (And once again not making it up). Now she had the money she needed and an easy place to get it. It was over for me, I just didn’t know it. All the guys that worked there did copenhagen so eventually I did too. Mainly so when times were tight I could “bum one off” someone. To digress: How the hell I got used to Copenhagen was beyond me, do all my fellow cope addicts feel that way? It’s basically freaking dirt, guaranteed to get everywhere, on everything. Anyway she had me now, she actually told me every day that with more money I could have her around more often. I wanted her around alot more too. She wasn’t ever leaving me now.

Flash back to 1989. I am essentially Lieutenant Dan Taylor. My Dad was in the Army in Vietnam and came back after two tours with a Purple Heart and a limp that will never go away. His Dad was Army, his Dad was Army yada yada yada. So at 18 I enlisted in the Army and decided to go Airborne to one up those old fogeys. This began my 8 year long stint at Fort Bragg North Carolina (via Iraq). She went with me too. She was very supportive. She waited for me during basic training patiently. The first night of liberty she asked me to go get her from a gas station 100 yards from the hotel. In Turkey she asked for me buy rolls for her at the PX and hold on to them. Nurture them. Keep them cool and safe. We don’t know when we might be in a remote location for a long time (BTW I picture Chris Farely petting a stale roll in Tommy Boy right now for some reason). And this time she married me and that marriage was a success because it lasted for 20 years.

20 years. What the hell? I never questioned it at first. My guess it at least 10 went by before I even thought of dumping her. I tried. It didn’t work; she came back after a few days. I don’t think out of the hundreds of times I tried to get out that relationship I ever even came close to success. But two things finally happened.

  • One day I woke up and my body told me no. Weird but for me it’s how it started. It just told me no. I couldn’t keep one in without getting a gag reflex. I would put a dip in and then 10 minutes later have to take it out because of it being uncomfortable. I even switched to Copehagen pouches (btw god damn to hell the asshole who made those), they extended it for 2 more years so. Copenhagen pouches are really hard to freaking find here. It requires too much work to keep a cache of them around.
  • I found this site. Desperately hoping to find a clinic or hospital program that could tell me how to do it. I can’t tell you how much I needed this site.

I read every damn article I could find. Gathered my wits, softly and quietly packed her bags, and pushed her out the door while she was sleeping. I created a twitter account so that I could chronicle some of it to my friends (one has quit smoking already because of it) and out of nowhere KTC finds me, gives me an account and basically changes my life.

This site is truly the best thing to have come around in a long time and it works on a damn bulletin board system. This tells me it could work a million ways but it just requires people to get together every day and promise we won’t screw up. It’s that simple and brilliant. Thanks Chewie.

I’m thanking all of you. I read all your posts, I really do. I don’t say much mainly because I got super pissed at a few people one day for basically stepping over me like I wasn’t even there on a few posts. I retreated back to just paying attention to November 2009 and not getting too involved with outside discussions. Thank all of you.

*** Volp, Flash, Cdforecheck and Gump believe me it has nothing to do with the crazy perverted ass crap we do over there. Nor the ridiculous round of volleys on private chat that myself and CD do with lines from “Super Troopers”. Nor any of the fun Pista makes for me having my damn camera visible in my avatar, I laughed really hard that day Pista by the way. It was some older timers that I think forgot what it was like needing to be acknowledged that ruined me.

I could go on forever so here’s the closing.

So she’s gone and has been for 101 days at this point. She calls though from time to time. Sometimes she makes really good cases why I should take her back and cry’s for me. When I’m on the phone lately though, I look over at all of you and in unison you all are quietly shaking you heads. It’s embarrassing to think I even considered it, so I get mad and tell her to forget it. If all of you keep doing that, I will be just fine……….

She’s gone.

Thank all of you.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member plasmatrout

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