Here goes….. My name is Mike and I am an Addict and I wanted to take some time to reflect on being free of tobacco for 109 days after 30 plus years of use. I am writing this to help continue my quit and hopefully help others begin or stay quit.
A little background, I started dipping as a dumb 13yr old kid with some buddies and really latched on to it. My addiction progressed as most/all of ours do over the years, and eventually got to the point where I was dipping anytime I wasn’t eating or sleeping. I got real sick of it 20 years back and stop using it for almost a year. That stoppage ended during a night of drinking and probably more so because I didn’t realize I was an Addict, and that there is no such thing as “just having one” for an Addict. I was a super dipper and I “loved” dip for a long time. I was a ninja dipper at work and in front of my parents but other than that I didn’t have any shame in dipping in front of anyone else or in anyplace. I “loved” dipping and didn’t care who knew it. My 1st wife died of Hodgkin’s lymphoma 8 years ago and I dipped the whole time watching her fight cancer. I was living in the cancer ward of the hospital and dipping. I never thought much about how crazy that was, other than I had a bad “habit” and that shows how my Addict mind worked. Looking back now I could not be more ashamed of being that person. I also watched my brother die of various addictions over the course of many years. We did share a tobacco addiction but I didn’t consider myself an Addict. I would plead with him to change his ways and give him advice but in reality I was a hypocrite, I was an addict just like him. I thought an Addict was someone like him, someone who abused drugs and alcohol. It sounds so dumb/ignorant now. Reflecting on these 2 life events shows me how much the Addict mind can control an otherwise rational person and what control and power poison can have over me if I allow it.
Eventually I became sick of dipping, sick of having to go buy the poison every day, sick of how my mouth felt, sick of being a human being who needed to dip to do anything (slave), sick of my fat lip appearance in the mirror and pics, sick of all of it! I am not the quickest acting person and it takes me a lot of time to make up my mind about almost everything. About 2 or 3 years after being sick of it all I woke up hungover one morning and said I am going to stop today since I feel like crap already. Finally, something clicked that day as I was going to bed and I said to myself I am done with this. Luckily I found KTC shortly after and jumped right into it.
Without KTC I would not still be quit, no question about it. I immersed myself in the site and read everything I could. I spent (and still spend) so much of my old dipping time reading on KTC and getting as much knowledge and distraction as possible. I learned a lot of valuable stuff but the ones that were most key to my quit were: 1) Truly understanding that I am an Addict and 2) My quit needs to be treated as important as anything else in my life. Reading the intro’s, the words of wisdom, the quit groups past, present, and future, and the HOF speeches all helped me stay quit. Posting roll every day, writing and updating an introduction, reaching out and supporting others, and reflecting were all tools that helped me stay quit. All of this enabled me to change my mindset to being a quitter and ridding me of the poison. I was the guy who “loved” dipping and up until 109 days ago, whole heartedly believed I would be dipping until the day I died. The key word in that is “was”. If I can quit, I now know anyone can quit. I cannot stress how important KTC has been for my quit nor be more thankful to KTC and every member. Looking back at who I was 109 days ago, I can say my life is head and tails better than it was back then. There are probably hundreds of benefits to quitting that everyone is aware of, but I hadn’t realized there would be such a positive impact in all areas of my life (family, work, stress, mental outlook). Quit sooner and improve your life sooner!
This wound up much longer than I intended, but lastly I would like to send some big THANKS to the following quitters who helped my quit in all kinds of ways. I apologize if I missed some of you. Everyone involved with this site has helped me more than they will ever know. You guys are true brothers to me.
4thewin, Av8rmarc, Beebe, Bert, Bojax, David S, DonkeyMN, Drbottux, Dundippin, Dzismann, Jmedic, Josh605, JWebbTX, Kyflyboy, Lumberguy, Montovan, Nybowhunter, Pab, Pikehunter, Questgame, RDB, Skidwilly, Tuco, Yeardot, and All of the FCWM!