The 100 – BDunn HOF Speech

BDunn avatarI want this speech to be real and raw, not a novel piece. So I’ll be blunt and to the point. I’ll start off with the “why”, the “how”, and finish with what I learned in the last 100 days.

Why?: I’m 39 and I’ve dipped for 20 years. I had been irratared and tired with the can for a while. Then one day, with no explanation, I just took my last dip. You see, my Mom past away just a little over a year ago from cancer. The cancer started eight years ago as breast cancer. It spread to her soft tissue and lymph nodes. She had sores all over her body from the cancer. Large patches of skin and tissue would turn to leather then just fall off. I watched my mom scream in agony…for years. At some point, it was too much for my dad to handle alone, so my wife and I spent some time there taking care of her. I literally had to take care of her like a child. Eventually her body couldn’t fight the cancer anymore, and she died from infection. It was the hardest, most heart breaking, confusing, and difficult time of my life. She battled the disease for eight years. She was 68. I bring this up because it’s what led to my quit. During her cancer, and after, all I could think about was the fact that I’m GIVING MYSELF cancer. My mom did nothing to deserve it, never drank or smoked, and ate healthy. Here I am watching her struggle, then putting a horseshoe sized dip in. That concept really didn’t sit well with me. I couldn’t bare having to tell my family that…I’ve got cancer. No way I want to put my family and myself through that, all for my own selfishness. So one day, around 100 days ago, I just said “no more.” I quit. 

How did I quit?: I just simply stopped. I didn’t slow down, use patches or gum, or anything. I just had enough and wanted to close the chapter of this part of my life. Really soon after I quit, things got tough. A lot tougher that I anticipated. The anxiety and depression were intense. I started searching the web for answers and I ran across KTC. At KTC I picked up the tools and inspiration to keep on quitting one day at a time. I also met some folks that really helped (JRan, Broc, Bojax, PhuctUp, SFurze, TooOld, Floridafish, ChickDip, and Chewie) just to name a few. I’m now on day 110, and I feel much better. I also feel like I have the tools to keep up the good fight. Thank you to all the folks listed above, anybody I missed, all of my September Group, and KTC.

What I Learned?: I learned that self control is a huge part of life. Not just with quitting dipping, but with anything. I learned I have much better self control than I thought. I can’t wait to see how my new perspective of self control trickles into other areas of my life. I also learned I don’t need a substance as a crutch. I can live without dipping, and life is still just as fun, even though I thought life was Hell for about 50 days. I learned people want to help you, and people who love you, will support you if you let them. I’ve learned to open up more about myself. 

I want to lastly thank my wife. I know she’ll probably never read this, but she’s been my rock. Through my Mom passing, and quitting nicotine, she’s been there, been supportive, and been encouraging. I couldn’t of done this without her. I love you, Honey! 

Looking forward to 100 more days quit with you. 

BDunn 

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member BDunn

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