The Cord is Cut forever – PMILS HOF Speech

PMILS avatarMy story starts with on and off nicotine use in high school. Upon turning 18, I was a man (yeah right!) and started buying it myself. Boy, I thought I was the baddest dude around. None of my close friends really dipped, so I felt special, like I was a maverick. If they wanted some every once in a while, they knew I would oblige. Chewing tobacco became my answer to everything. Tough test coming up? Dip. Stressed about family? Dip. Driving somewhere? Dip. Are you outside? Dip. You get the point, it became my life. Multiple quit attempts (birthdays, new year, etc.) turned into stoppages, the longest being 3 days. My poison of choice was Kodiak, then later Grizzly… fucking bears.

23 years later, here I was, in a serious relationship with an amazing woman, and for the first time contemplating my health. I actually do care about myself and I want to live. Enter this site, and sign up, but don’t post roll. All because I thought the best way to combat this addiction was to slowly cut back, that will make it easier! These guys wanted me to go in cold turkey? I’m not ready. So I got out some calendars, and started planning my reduction. After about 3 weeks or so of counting days, hours, minutes until I could have my next fix, I said screw this! It is too much work, why don’t I just buck up and post on KTC and finally commit. Posted an Intro, and the next day a Day 1. I was really doing it.

Killthecan.org, KTC, internet support group, that quit site, my quit site.

For me, it is a place of healing. A place where I can let go of the past and my tobacco use. A place I can re-learn how to live my life without that ugly thing in my lip. A place that helps me feel free.

Freedom is something we all take for granted at one time or another. We really don’t realize how great it is until we realize it wasn’t there, or it is taken from us. Whether it be the freedoms bestowed upon us by our constitution, or personal feelings of freedom. I have not felt this free and confident in my entire life. I feel that I can accomplish anything the good Lord puts in front of me, because I have made the choice each day for the past 100 days to abstain from using nicotine. My renewed confidence has helped me enjoy life more, no more hiding, no more shame, no more feelings of defeat.

I gave myself the freedom. After 23 years being oblivious to the fact I was a slave to nicotine, and a little can, I finally cared enough about my health to quit. Right away Day 1, I was afraid, but I knew if I immersed myself in the site and absorbed all I could I would be OK. With each post I read, I started to realize this place will work for me, because I felt like each of the folks on here felt some of the same feelings, and dealt with some of the same issues.

I had lots of help, the following items/activities are why I am still here quit today: Posting roll with my STD’s every day, longer term quitters (vets) who guide (yell at, scream at, cuss at) us along in our journey, Live Chat helping encourage the new folks as well as enjoying the banter, filling out the SSOA (spread sheet of accountability) and tracking people down who have not posted (my lady calls me a roll stalker), Texting or GroupMe with my squad. All of these activities have lifted me up on my way here to HOF and 100 days quit. The way I see it, this whole site is a team.

A team of individuals all working towards the same goal. A team who stands up for each other, as well as gives each other the tough love that’s sometimes needed to see through our addict talk. A team I want to succeed with, and grow with. A team that is winning Every Damn Day.

Well KTC and STD’s, suit me up every damn day, all day… I will do whatever it takes: play every position, cheer from the bench, fill the Kool-Aid, anything to help this team win.

Enjoy your quit today
PMILS- September16 (STD!)

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member PMILS

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One Comment

  1. Well I’m on week 1 of no dip. And man, let me tell you, this has been rough, sleepless nights, body haunting me, felt like it needed a dip. I actually thought I was gonna cave once, but I held true. I have noticed that stopping this nicotine addiction has actually helped me in more ways than one. For years now, I’ve dealt with stomach issues. Like, to the point of having to run to a bathroom or else. Well, since I be quit, I haven’t had but maybe one or 2 upset stomachs since, and it feels amazing to be able to spend more time with my daughter and my newborn. I have to thank you all so far. Your stories, your gripes, your pain, it helps me see what to expect, how to work through it, and lets me know it really will be okay.

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