The Devil On My Shoulder
Sid35 May2025 MOLGA
Hall of Fame Speech (228 days quit):
The Devil On My Shoulder
If you’re anything like me you probably have a devil on your shoulder who is captivating and talks in a way that makes sense to you. Personally I’ve always had this devil in my ear. The devil on my shoulder always tells me to do the easy and most comfortable thing. However on the contrary I have an angel on my shoulder who looks uninteresting but it tells me to do the hard thing that will benefit me positively. A lot of us can probably relate to this when quitting.
A bit about me. I’m from Cleveland, Ohio. A black guy from East Cleveland who honestly grew up with no vices. Had a really strict military dad who had me on a strict schedule from age 12-18. He served in the Army late 1960s never really talked about it.
I got started using nicotine at age 19. I tried hookah for the first time in 2012 while I was a Freshman at Kent State University in Kent, Ohio. My brother spiked the hookah with weed, so it kinda made the sensation something that stuck with me from first use. I used hookah up until I was 28.
At 21 (2014) a friend I met from Rootstown Ohio gave me my first dip. I was completely addicted to dipping tobacco until 228 days ago. I had about 10 empty cans in my room regularly.
The longest I was able to stay quit was 15 days. When dad died in 2016 my addiction to nicotine got worse than I could imagine. I’m glad to be free from that now.
Honestly I’ve made the decision to quit in spite of any will power I might have. For me I asked my self “am I sick and tired of being sick and tired”. Everytime I dipped tobacco I’d get tired and want to chill out or sleep, so it was really self-destructive on meeting any goals I wanted to accomplish.
I had two choices that I asked myself the day I quit, “did I want to dip for the rest of my life/never quit again (even if I get cancer or lose teeth) OR quit now no matter what happens in life and never look back”. I thought about those two choices for about 30 minutes and finally just said “let me quit and give myself the best chance to live the best life I can”, so for me I quit no matter what now.
While I made a final decision to quit regardless of how hard life or my quit can get, I’ve also had a lot of challenges in my early quit. Personally I don’t have a lot of responsibilities to others (no children, no wife, etc, etc.) so the quit is totally internally driven and that was hard the first 15+ days. I’ve also missed having my dip/zyn can in my back pocket at the ready.
Even watching movies, video games, and taking plane rides, train rides, and drives were triggers. When you used nicotine everywhere it can be tough to use it nowhere. I also struggled with finally (after 12 years of trying to quit) getting past 15 days quit mark.
When I finally started to feel less cravings:
My breakthrough in my quit was definitely my 100 days quit mark, but truthfully I didn’t stop getting terrible cravings until the 180 day mark. What helped me in my very early quit days 1-60 was joining the KillTheCan discord group and my occasional Nicotine Anonymous zoom meetings.
In addition to KTC I worked out a lot early on ( going on 3-10 mile runs), and short walks also really helped too. Drinking tea and lots of energy drinks helped too. Being around family helped a lot to practice not using nicotine around people. I also used nicotine free-tobacco free pouches and fake-dip (Smokey Mountain etc.). Those things helped. Video games were something that was awesome at keeping me distracted from using nicotine. Find the thing that will take your mind off nicotine. What ultimately kept me quitting was keeping Roll for my quit group (MOLGA May 2025), this might really benefit you as well.
After 100 days quit I really started to feel major differences in my health. I breathe better, have clearer skin (had drier skin and more dandruff while using), food tastes better, breath smells better, my focus is a lot better, medications work better, I feel better about myself, video games/movies are more fun, spending time with my nephew is more enjoyable, and so my benefits I can’t even remember to list. Quitting will change your life and routines in ways you will not be able to predict and that can be scary too. Fear of the unknown kept me from quitting for a long time too.
While I was dipping I thought it made me a more rugged badass midwestern guy, but being free of addiction is a lot more badass.
Give yourself a chance and keep engaged with your quit group and it will be a lot easier than you think. Good luck to you in your quit. Just know that you are no exception, you can quit too if you WUPP and keep going a day at a time. I hope you make the right decision too.
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org member Sid35
