So, no real reason to post it anywhere else, but thought I would place it here simply because it is in my head…and ears…
Right now I am sitting at my desk in my office typing this. Although I have seen all sorts of stuff after spending 15 years as a combat medic and ER nurse, I’ve spent the past 2 years running a surgical program. I’ve gotten away from the “action,” so to speak. That’s why I think it hit me pretty hard about an hour ago when, while sitting at my desk, I began hearing loud moaning and near sobbing coming from a patient room a little down and across the hall from my office. It continued beginning to sound almost like a hound dog continuing to whimper and howl. I opened my door and looked out to see none of the staff nurses so I headed down to see if there was anything I could do.
Entering the room, it was dark, but I could still see the very thin figure of a man, slowly writhing from side to side and continuing to moan in anguish, his brow furrowed in what I assumed to be pain. Before I could ask him if I could do anything for him, his nurse came in. She asked me if I needed any help and I said I had come down to check on him since I heard him. She told me that he is rather unaware of his surrounding due to dementia related to his cancer. She went on to tell me how his cancer had started in his tongue and jaw and had quickly spread to his brain and at this point he was only receiving comfort care to try to make his final days more comfortable. He continued to moan loudly as she began administering dilaudid (10x more potent than morphine) through his IV. On my way back to my office I couldn’t help but wonder if his tongue cancer began from chewing or smoking. I couldn’t help but wonder if that could have been me one day.
I couldn’t help but to be thankful that I found KTC and the support of all my brothers here.
As I get ready to post this, he is now quiet. I assume the medications are working for now. I hope he finds some comfort and peace. I wish he would have found KTC like we did.