I’ve been searching for how to sum up 100+ days quit. Nothing has really nailed it. I’ve kicked around a few things but nothing seemed to sum it up.
Addictions suck. This site helped me quit. I wouldn’t know my quit group brothers and sisters (March 2011) if they walked up to me on the street and kicked me in the nuts but they helped get me here. And the dedication of the seasoned members is commendable.
What have I gained? All the standard items: freedom, control, health, honesty, etc.
What have I learned? This is where I had my epiphany. I’m an addict. There were times I chose a substance over food. Never had I put my word down over a substance though. And here is where I saw the light brothers and sisters. The cloud of addiction covered my vision. Putting down my “word” was a pledge to you folks. That’s part of what makes the site work as a group. Posting roll every morning keeps us on target. The other part and most significant part is what my “word” means to me. I am saying to myself I will not use today. I am saying that my self worth is greater than the desire to put a poison in my body. I believe that no one can be harder on you than you. Again to me this is the key to both being an addict and beating addiction. The addict in me is always faced with the decision to use and that is overwhelming. It beats you down. Makes you question your self worth. For me beating addiction has been clearing out that cloud that keeps you from seeing yourself clean. “Is there a Souliman without nicotine?” I had to answer that question. I believe in myself. I believe there is a Souliman without nicotine, pills or whiskey. And you know what? He’s a good guy. Loves his kids. Cherishes his wife. He can’t wait for tomorrow’s run. He can’t learn enough. He’s a good friend. That’s what my “word” means.