Words of Wisdom

There’s Just No Excuse, None

Fuck CancerSo, you think you have a good reason to cave? Life got you down? Need some stress relief? Go talk to Todd. Hurry though, he called in hospice today. Here are some cliff’s from his intro.

There’s just no excuse, none.

traumagnet ~ Mar 16 2015, 09:43 AM

Whew where to begin, well brothers and sisters today should be a joyous day 7th floor with 2 trips around the sun to follow and not to be overshadowed by too many other events right. Well, what I am about to follow up with is a warning my way to pay it forward a way for me to find something positive out of what I have found out. A way to reinforce to those that think they are cured and that they may be able to try a dance with their mistress/Reaper… This is a message to the vets as well as newbies it’s not over. This isn’t written for sympathy or pity I knew that this was a possibility when I thought I was a tough guy with my lip packed full of death.

Friday 3-13-15 a day I will never forget, I had a colonoscopy and yep you guessed it CANCER located close to where small and large intestines come together… I was a bad ass I didn’t need a spitter I gutted it this pseudo-badge of courage is probably the culprit.

Funny what goes through your head when you get that kind of news first initial shock…followed up with panic, fear then sadness. It finally really hit me Sunday a.m. I broke down the thoughts that I may not get to see my wife again, smell her hair, see her smile, hear her laugh, miss her sarcasm…not getting to see my son play sports, graduate and see him go through life not getting to be a Grandpa…Yep all those moments be shared with others and not me. I took a walk down memory lane yesterday…have I put enough away for my family, what have I left for a legacy, have I given more than I have taken, will I be remembered or just another UST statistic… All that shit goes through your head…I am sure that are a lot more emotions to follow.

Today I am up and going I have shit to do before I go for surgery. I have to use all my tools that I have acquired from KTC and apply them moving forward. THIS DOES NOT GIVE ME THE RIGHT OR EXCUSE TO CHEW! This isn’t going to be an I, it will be a WE, brothers and sisters from KTC, friends and family taking this head on one day at a time. I am absolutely impressed with the men and women of KTC who have already started pumping out support….THANK YOU.

traumagnet ~ May 19 2016, 02:04 AM

So if any of you still have friends dippin tell them this if you dont have what it takes to quit nicotine you are gonna be TOO big of a pussy for chemo. Dying is easy its the living that is hard got to dig deep everyday and there would be no way in hell I could do this on my own. If it werent for the support of my wife and family, the support i get daily from the members this site and the people I have in my corner locally. I would have been consumed by this cancer shit. I have already lived through two you only have 6 months left.

traumagnet ~ Jul 14 2016, 12:32 PM

Well it appears that it has been awhile since I have put in an update. I had double pneumonia that landed me in the hospital for a week…then home health for a week giving me very strong antibiotics. After a week of that the nausea and pain were enough I woke up on a Monday morning and fired everyone. I called the VA and asked to be put on hospice. Hospice has been working with me to get me under control as far as pain and nausea go. I have been puking and dry heaving for days so finally last night they hooked me up to a morphine drip and a Tordol drip subQ. they have also discovered that I have chemo induced thrush from my mouth to my stomach so another obstacle to overcome.

I also carry a BRAF mutation with in the cancer war is like trying fight fires with gasoline. So I am on the hospice pony and just trying to ride whatever time I have left in relative comfort. So just trying to take it easy.

Once again just wanted to say thank you to everyone that has been on this ride with me, I also wanted to say if you text or email and I don’t respond right away please don’t take it personal there are days that just making it to tomorrow is the best I can do.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member traumagnet & wastepanel

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Ryan Spear
6 years ago

Thoughts and prayers are with you brother!

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