Be Vulnerable

ndrugby avatarMy quit started before I found KTC. But on day 3 of my quit I went looking for reviews on dip alternatives. I landed on Chewie’s reviews. I felt like I had been here before. Like I had read some of these exact words. And in fact I had, about two quit attempts prior. Back then I was in a hurry, I read them, picked and ordered and went on my way.

This time I was intrigued by everything around the article, not just what was in it. I started to notice that there was something to the place. I started poking around, and decided, what the heck, I’ll give this place a try. I read the blog and it said the forum was down and to post roll in the comments of the blog post, so I did, with no clue whatsoever what I was doing. Funny thing is, I forgot about the dip alternative altogether. Ha!

But when the forums came online again, I started to understand KTC better. I posted an intro (Quitters Always Win), got a quit group (the February Cult of Quit!), and found my way into roll. I just hit and ran my roll everyday. I told myself I was good to go. Make a promise to a bunch of strangers, stick to it that day, rinse and repeat. Perfect. I was going to make it.

But then, I saw people taking about sharing numbers and texting each other, etc. I won’t lie, I rejected the concept at first. A bunch of people I don’t know getting my phone number? Who are these people? I don’t know them. That’s weird. But then I remembered something someone once told me: Allow yourself to be vulnerable. In that scenario it was related to a 3 day team building session. The idea was to not fear sharing anything and everything and in return everyone will gain.

So I told myself, Be Vulnerable. Jump in. And I did. I posted and asked for numbers to have, in case. And boom, FishFlorida, Viking, JeffW, ChadPA and Miker all pm’d me. 5 people caring about someone they have never met and giving them their phone number with the message: call or text if you need me. Wow! This was not a one time incident, I got a PM from DieselChick one day because my group was looking for me. Apparently, I hadn’t posted roll. Truth is, I was in a way different time zone and was posting late at the same time. But, she cared enough about some stranger to reach out. And then there were the texts when I went through my week of late roll. Those kept me honest, reminded me to be in there posting. There were even just funny daily meme texts from Fish, that keep me laughing to start my day in the harder days of my quit. I can’t say enough about what all of that meant. Those little interactions made all the difference in my quit. They made me care about my quit and everyone else’s.

The thing is, the people you connect with on here are like an elite military unit, ready at a moment’s notice to jump into action and crush any chance of the cravings and the nicotine taking over and killing your quit. They want you to succeed just as badly as they want to succeed. They want to connect with you and share stories. They want to have a beer with you and celebrate your achievement. They are your brotherhood and sisterhood, and the only requirement for you is to WUPP EDD, and to be Vulnerable and let them in. That’s it. Pretty simple.

To be honest, I did not stick to staying Vulnerable on the forums. I did not share a ton. I wish I had engaged more, but I took a different route. I made myself so busy that I almost never had time to come by and post and discuss. I tried to keep my mind off my quit by not having down time. But because of my lack of that, I’m going to allow myself to be vulnerable here by sharing this:

For years, my wife has wanted me to quit. I tried, and failed, multiple times. I even made it over a year once. I asked her to help me, but she couldn’t. I tried to quit for her, but I couldn’t. I tried to quit for my kids but I couldn’t. This time had to be about me. So I jumped in and quit, for me. But I wanted more. I shared my quit day every so often with my wife, and got a “that’s nice” type of response. There was no celebration of small daily achievements, no interest in it and it honestly made me MAD at first. I wanted to confront her and tell her that I needed more from her during this tough time. But I came to a realization quickly, and every new quitter needs to know this: A non-addict cannot understand the difficulty of your quit. It is impossible.

It was unreasonable for me to EVER think that my wife should understand how hard this was. How it was making me foggy. How the cravings were making me angry. She had never been addicted to this insanity, and I needed to get over MY need for her to celebrate my quit. I was being just as selfish in my quit as I was before it. She did proactively let me know that she was proud of me every so often, and that was fantastic! I needed other addicts in my life, oddly enough, in order to quit. I had none. YOU are who I needed. Without KTC and all you addicts, I would not be 100 days quit and going strong. Which brought me to another realization: In order to quit an addiction, you need to surround yourself with addicts! Of course they need to be addicts that are also committed to quitting, but you need addicts. So to I had to find addicts to qui, would have never thought that was the solution before this place.

So take this for what it’s worth. Let your loved ones involve themselves as much as they see fit, do not set expectations on them and just be happy with them being in your life. Remember, you are doing this for YOU! So do it for you, and let them gain the benefits of your quit, which will be having you around more now and more in the future.

I also wanted to give you some insights from a few of my posts on questions asked of us but our HOF train conductors:

On what this site means to me and our group
“KTC is an opportunity. You get from it what you put into it. None of us are forced to be here, but here we are being brothers. All of us are different and need different levels of support beyond roll, and we each get to rely on the site in the manner that works for us. It’s simple and complex. And that’s why it works. ”

What are the downsides to quitting?
“Downsides to quit: my demeanor has been worse at times, I’ve gained weight and I wasted time having to consciously focus on staying quit at certain points. ”

What are you doing with the extra time gained from quitting?
“I’m using the extra time in many ways, starting my own business, coaching my kids sports and spending more time with the fam. Obviously it’s not all time gained from not doing that crap, but my priorities have changed as well as me gaining more time. ”

I am nowhere near done. I am, and always will be, an ADDICT. HOF day is worth celebrating, but it is also a quit day, and tomorrow will be another. I let myself get addicted to this crap many many years ago. But now, with my new friends, I will beat this addiction everyday. I am 100 days quit, but I was closer to 10,000 days addicted. So the 100 days is a mere fraction of the amount of time I spent using. And even if I add up every day of my life that I have not dipped, I am still behind almost 2 to 1. So I shall continue down the path of the quit, One Day At A Time, with my Cat of Quit and KTC.

I’d like to thank all those I mentioned above, including all of the February COQs, everyone that was involved in creating this place and keeping it running, and our two train conductors: Prohunter and MrLentz. MrLentz and I only really connected a few days ago and found a lot of common ground. I know you’ve all got my back and I have all of yours. Yes, even you, new quitter. Be vulnerable and PM for digits new guy or gal.

You’ll be surprised who and what you will find here at KTC, and how they and this place will impact your life. But you can only experience that if you allow yourself to BE VULNERABLE.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member ndrugby

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