Breaking the Chains

Paul528 avatarThe time has come for me to sit down and pen my HOF speech. My story is not unlike those before me and it most likely will echo on as new quitters come on board. You see, we quitters are about repetition. Quitting is a repetitious cycle that MUST be repeated, reinforced, and reiterated daily to achieve only satisfactory results. First, lets back up, lets show the world why and how I came to be.

One score and two years ago, I was trying to score, literally. I attended a party where adult libations were flowing yet there was an absence of certifiable adults. There was a honey there that I had my eye on. I was Rico Suave, except for the good looks, abs, and Latino machismo. Long story short, she wouldn’t drink the nectar and I scored a fat goose egg. But the night wasn’t over. I was going to get laid, I just didn’t know it at the time. A buddy saw that I was down, knew I needed a pick me upper, he lent out a hand, and in that hand was a tin. I took the tin and instinctively knew what to do. Yes sir, I got laid that night. It was a good lay, her sweet aroma, her intoxicating allure, she said she loved me. I fell in love that night with the Nic Bitch though I didn’t call her that at first, but that is who she was.

Now, me and the Nic Bitch got married that night, we went every where together. We were like peas and carrots. In 88, I joined the Army shortly after high school. Missed my girl so much, I had a buddy put her in a baggy and send her to me via parcel post while I was still in basic training. My girl was with me while I was stationed in Hawaii, she went to college with me, and she even went to work with me when I got my first real job. She was always number one, though there were other girls in my life, none could match the Nic Bitch’s hold.

In 97, I met the woman whom I presently call wife. I liked this one a lot and the Nic Bitch new it. For the first time she began to worry. A battle was to ensue, but the Nic Bitch had an idea that would satisfy both sides. She would go Ninja, black ops, under cover, future wife wouldn’t have a clue. Well, it didn’t take future wife long to figure out who I had been sleeping with when it wasn’t with her. No way could I satisfy two women, so I try to rid myself of the Nic Bitch when I got married, again when my daughter was born, when I bought a new vehicle, when the new year came, when my birthday came, you get the point. I could not break the bond that the Nic Bitch held over me. No attempted quit ever lasted longer than 1 week. I was still getting screwed by the Nic Bitch except now, nothing is fun, hot, or alluring. That had all been replaced years ago by pain, anger, strife, worry, shame, guilt, and personal embarrassment. That bitch was killing me slowly, I knew it, my wife knew it, everyone knew it yet the Nic Bitch continued to be a part of my life. I put the Nic Bitch center stage, not because I wanted to, because I had no choice, I was her slave so in turn, my family came to be her slave also because of who I was.

You see, we may come from all walks of life, have different ideologies, work different jobs, live in different towns , have varying levels of education, or root for different sporting teams, but the one constant we all share is an addiction to the can. That addiction most likely will never wane, but with help from the KTC community, I now have the tools to get up every day with a sense of hope. I wake, I post roll, I move on through the day knowing I promised a lot of fellow quitters that I would not use Nic today. I have hope that this cycle will continue as long as I keep coming back and keep my self accountable. I manufactured that accountability through my daily interactions with the May group. I would like to thank every member of the Mayhem Monster Quit Squad. You people are truly brothers, thank you! I would like to also thank the June 08 group (QWA), these fine men answered many of my question and gave unconditional support. If I talked to you, thanks!

One day at a time, I will not promise what’s going to happen next week, next month, or next year. I promise that I will not use tobacco today because I posted roll and made a promise.

Thanks!

Paul

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Paul528

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